Welcome Distinguished Guests – A message for us all!

June 7, 2015 By
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graduates hatThis is the season. A season mixed with endings and beginnings.

Our institutions of learning around the world, and perhaps more importantly within each of our neighborhoods are sending out groups of fresh faces and minds ready to tackle what is next in their young lives.

When the graduation is from college, or perhaps even high school, part of the exercise is also that a new group of parents or grandparents and other people that support them are also recognizing a shift in their own horizons. They have in many respects, just become unemployed. A variety of emotions and thoughts swirl around us.

One of my nephews graduated from high school this weekend. He will begin college in the fall. For my brother, his Dad, there is a touch of sadness at this growing which is also a going. His love for his son mandates he celebrate. He would have it no other way. He feels (and rightly so) tremendous pride. His love for his son also mandates his tears and exacts that price as well. While genuinely happy for his son there is also sadness. As I watched his emotions I flashed back to when it was my daughter’s milestones. The emotions were the same for me.

What I have learned over my own life at these milestone moments is that what we need to express to those that leave and those that remain is essentially the same. Our words to our graduates are the same admonitions that are true for those that have loved them and nurtured them to this point in their lives. These moments are not endings. They are beginnings. For everyone involved. Orrin Hatch said it well when he said that there is a good reason the very occasions themselves are called commencement exercises. It is a time of beginnings. And that is the real reason to celebrate. It is a time of beginnings for all of us.

As I thought about that and did some research into what we say at these events I found some words of wisdom that crossed the aisles of those in attendance. Here are five quotes that can speak to every person in the room. And perhaps even especially to those that may not understand that the beginnings are as much for them as those in caps and gowns.

“As you start your journey, the first thing you should do is throw away that store-bought map and begin to draw your own.” Michael Dell, CEO, Dell Computers, University of Texas at Austin, 2003

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary…Stay hungry. Stay foolish.”Steve Jobs, Stanford University, 2005

“Use your life in the service somehow to others and give back what you have been given. That’s how you keep it. That’s how you get it. That’s how you grow it.” Oprah Winfrey, Howard University, 2007

“There’s no there. That elusive ‘there’ with the job, the beach house, the dream, it’s not out there. There is here. It’s in you, right now.” Brian Kenny, Ohio Northern University, 2007

“Celebrate what you’ve accomplished, but raise the bar a little higher each time you succeed.” Mia Hamm, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, 2014

We are all starting a new season. And we are all on some level, somewhat afraid of what that means. When I come to these places in life I am reminded of the words of Marianne Williamson in her book: A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Live today like you want tomorrow to be. Live well.

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Personal thoughts & insights, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

List, List, Who’s Got a List?

May 31, 2015 By
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If I were to ask you if you have a “To Do List”, there is a high probability that you would say yes.

It might be on paper, on your smart phone or be a mental check list but most of us operate day to day based on what we think we need to get done.

And somewhere in there, we usually have a list!

First let’s agree that there is absolutely nothing wrong with a to-do list. In fact it’s an effective tool. All of the studies on productivity stand by the importance of being organized for strategic action.

And frankly there is satisfaction in working from a list. I’ve even been known to add things to my list after they were done just so I can cross them off! We like being able to see what we’re getting done.

It may be time, however to consider some strategies beyond just what we’re going to do. Here is a list (pun intended) of four other lists that can create a marked difference in staying on track for reaching our goals:

  1. To Be List – After all, it’s not about where we’re going that is the real point. For example, when talking about financial goals, Jim Rohn taught that becoming wealthy wasn’t the true reward. The true reward for anything we accomplish of significance is the person we have to become in order to get there that really matters. When we define that, we are in fact creating our “to be” list. Who do we want to be? Just by claiming those values and personal attributes changes our perspective and as a result, our day and ultimately our life is also changed.
  2. To Learn List – It’s important to recognize where we have a knowledge gap in any area where we will be making critical decisions or our personal performance has a crucial influence on our outcomes. And sometimes it’s just about acknowledging where we have curiosity and interest. Both are important factors in our personal development. It’s also crucial as leaders to remain active students. I recently had the privilege of hearing Jeffrey Gitomer speak and he had this to share: “If you want to stay the best at what you do, you have to stay a student of what you do.” In the curiosity department, this can and should extend beyond skills for our work. Here is where we need to step outside of our comfort zone and move into some adventure! I’ve been doing that of late and it has added a depth and dimension to my life I did not anticipate that has been immensely satisfying.
  3. To Know List – The building of an effective personal network, a core inner circle of influence is perhaps the strategy that has proven most invaluable for me. Going back to Jim Rohn’s teachings for a moment, he proposed that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with in any area of our life. That has proven true time and time again. It becomes clear where our circles may need to evolve. When we are intentional with the wisdom and depth we are bringing into our lives, the results are nothing short of life-changing.
  4. Not To Do List – Oh yes! This one is at times the hardest! And yes, for me it addresses some “not to do behaviors” like eating sugars or drinking Diet Coke. But it goes well beyond health practices. This list forces an acknowledgement that some things on the “To Do List” need to be moved to the “To Delegate” and even “To Delete” lists. Michael E. Porter (Harvard Business Review) our modern day father of strategy had this to offer when he was asked to define strategy: “The essence of strategy is choosing what not to do.” I find that extraordinarily insightful. Being strategic requires a filter for what we are not going to do to hold the space we need for what we must do! We have to keep life clutter at bay in order to keep the path clear.

These four lists are making a marked difference in my life. Perhaps they will for you, too. Why are they important? Because with each of them we are required to think about what it is we want something to be in the end. It forces us to reach ahead in our vision to see the person we want to become and think about what it’s going to take to achieve that outcome in our lives.

Live (list) today what you want tomorrow to be. Then live (list) well!

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Personal thoughts & insights, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

What do you take with you?

May 24, 2015 By
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Moving This is a time of transition for many in my closest circle of family and friends. We have young adults that were just children a blink ago now graduating from high school and heading off to college. Others are planning weddings and baby showers. My own grand-girl is moving into high school. My daughter is looking to move into a house more suited to her growing family.  And those are just a few.

Transition. Even when it’s organic or by choice, it’s still a time of change and can be bittersweet; especially when it involves that place we call home.

My first home on my own was a small frame house in Grand Rapids, Michigan that I shared with a friend. It was in the early 1970’s and we were college students, heady with that first taste of independence. The house was on Walnut Street. I still remember how “grownup” we felt having our own place to live.

But all these years later, other than a few books and photographs, only memories remain of that time and place.

Over the years, there would be other homes in other cities. I would share those places and spaces with other people or live alone. Books and photographs continued to travel with me. At some point in my life, other things began to also make the sojourn to the next address.  Artwork, collectibles, even a few furniture pieces have been with me now for many decades. They stay with me because they have come to represent a part of my life in a meaningful way.

Recently I chronicled all of the places I have called home. While I have clear memories of some of them, it’s a bit sketchy for others. I was somewhat surprised to realize how many addresses there have been over the past 60 years that at some point had my name attached to them. Each of them is part of the imprint of my life. When thinking about this, here is what I know to be true: every time I have moved I have in reality also left parts of my life behind and carried parts with me.

If you have ever gone through a move you will understand this. There is no better time to streamline than when you move.  We toss things, give them away, perhaps even have a garage sale or two and recycle! Some things we carry with us out of need but will later replace with something more suited to our new home. The rest continues on and is put in a new place where we can see it in a new light even as we remember its former glow.

This is how I am beginning to understand life overall. With each time and season of my life I feel the call to let parts of the old season remain where they are. There is no need to carry them forward. Even who I serve and how I serve them. Going into my new (next) means leaving some of my past (now) behind. It also means taking some things with me, even if only for awhile. And it means some things will remain. I find that very comforting and hopeful all at the same time. Every time and season has its purpose.  And another season always follows. What genius God displays in giving us this gift of life to experience as we grow and change.

If you are coming into one of those time junctures in your life, even if the biggest change is for someone else, it is a perfect opportunity to think about this for yourself. What will stay behind? What will remain? Good questions for all of us always. Even day by day.

Choose today what you want tomorrow to be.

Keep that. Live that. Live well.

Filed Under: Personal thoughts & insights, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , ,

Happy Mother’s Day – A personal reflection on living a life that matters

May 10, 2015 By
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potter and studentAs I write this week’s post it is Mother’s Day.  I’ve spent the day with my Mom along with my three brothers and their families. Because of today’s technology, even though my sister was in New York, we were able to have her “join” us through a video call. All five siblings were together to honor my Mom on this day set apart for that purpose.

These marks in time also prompt me to pause and reflect on how blessed my life continues to be.

My personal values have their origin in the teachings and experiences of growing up in a nurturing environment rich in love and high in expectation. By certain standards, it may have appeared that we were really just an average family. We were certainly not rich financially. And yet, we did not live average lives and still do not. There was always an expectation (and example) to continuously grow into more as contributors in our community.

Because of that, we continue to be rich beyond measure. I am so very grateful for that.

The legacies left to us from the lives of multiple generations have instilled a love of family, compassion for others and a sense of responsibility for living an honorable life. A direct legacy from my parents focused on a passion to always strive to grow in knowledge and service. I’ve recognized lately the genesis is here for why I am so driven to keep learning and growing. The distinction though is that it’s not just for the sake of accumulating knowledge. It is to be able to more effectively serve.

I believe that is the key for all of us. This again goes to why I feel so strongly about the value of strategy. We must focus on why we do what we do; why we think the way we do; why we respond as we do. Because those are the questions we must keep asking ourselves in order to achieve the results we want and need.

My message today is very simple and comes from my heart. We each need to know who we want to be. That is the foundation of everything. What are the core values we want to serve because that is ultimately who we become. From there, we just need to keep our lives on a path that provides us with the opportunity to serve those values. It is a much clearer path than we might believe.

The life clutter falls away when we get clear on this one point: Who do we want to be and is that who we are? If so, how do we put those values into service? If not, what steps do we need to take in order to grow into that person? What knowledge and skills do we need to gain? What people do we need to be surrounding ourselves with in order to grow into that person? The question must be asked and answered throughout our life.

Success is empty without a purpose. Success must be invested in something bigger than what it is on its own to be fully realized. That is what I’ve learned and now share with you. This is my vision for my own life and my mission in helping you in yours. There is more value in the rest of your story than you can possibly imagine. That to me is exciting news!

Live today like you want tomorrow to be. For yourself and for those that follow you. I am so blessed and grateful that my own great-grandparents, grandparents and parents all did just that. They were always living forward. They enjoyed their moment in time and invested it in the future. I am so honored to continue to shine a light on that path.

Live well.

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Personal thoughts & insights, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Are you a possibilitarian? Do you want to be?

May 3, 2015 By
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My first introduction to the term possibilitarian came from Norman Vincent Peale in his book The Power of Positive Thinking. The concept however was introduced much earlier in my life. In fact, I don’t remember a time when it hasn’t been a part of how my world view was influenced and developed.

My heritage is filled with stories of people that were each a possibilitarian in their own lives, inspiring each generation to follow to the same. I believe that outside of my spiritual heritage, that has been the greatest gift I have received.

What I have observed though is that we tend to mistakenly fuse positive and possible together, as if they represent the same point of view. We see it as being a half-full or half-empty perspective. And that is where I believe we begin to go astray about the true power of what it represents. Because it isn’t at all whether the glass is half-full or half-empty, it is about the possibilities you see from what is there and the opportunity for more.

Possibilities

Think about that for a moment. What if instead of thinking in terms of gain or loss; win or lose, we thought in terms of what was possible based on where we’re at and what we have within our reach? What could we do with just a bit of stretch? In the end nothing else will mark our lives more profoundly than our ability to do just that.

Here is the actual philosophy in Mr. Peale’s own words: “I challenge you to become a possibilitarian. No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see the possibilities – always see them, for they are always there.”

The root meaning of the word possible is “capable of making happen”. Can you think of anything more invigorating and inspiring than facing each day with the mindset that we are capable of making happen whatever we choose? It raises the bar for what we see as choices to a very different level, doesn’t it?

A favorite contemporary (and self-professed) possibilitarian is artist and author, Kelly Rae Roberts. In my work as a life strategist I find people that continue to forge new paths in their lives to be the most compelling as inspiration and for insight into what this concept really means. Kelly Rae is someone that has that kind of story and mission. Her art pieces share a synopsis of her own path on the back of each of them. Why? Because her story is part of her art. It’s part of the journey. What she yearned for was not what she originally chose in terms of profession. I’m fairly certain many of us can relate to that. But in the end, she did ultimately experience a full range of possibilities as she made a difference choice and craft.  In her manifesto she shares this thought: “I believe that we get to choose, that we get to craft the exact life that has been waiting for us.” 

Would you like this to be you? Here are some signs that your may not be experiencing the full power of possibility thinking:

  • Limited or guarded perspective – Do you find yourself overly cautious about what your choices might be? Do you think in terms of “this or that”?
  • Focused on Perfection over Progress – So often we full reign to the technician in us and fail to let our creative self join in the fun! Have you embraced the fact that perfection is a myth?
  • Confusion between Talent & Skill – Skill is learned and 90% of what we need comes from that. We confuse these terms. We see something as requiring talent when it really only needs desire. Talent is less specific, it can travel many places.
  • Over planning & under-preparing – This is a very telling sign. Something not going to plan? How do you respond? Are you able to pivot? Do you see loss or new opportunities?

How you have responded to these statements and questions will help you begin to see where you could bring your own possibilitarian self more fully to the forefront.

This is also a good place to remind you what possibility thinking and living is not:

  • It is not positive thinking. This is not a Pollyanna view of life. It has strong roots in realism. The reality is that there are far more possibilities than we think. Some of the most effective possibility thinking comes from crisis or even just things not going as originally planned.
  • It is not always “out of the box” thinking. If fact, in most cases, possibility thinking begins with looking at what is there now in a new way. Think innovation. Rarely does that mean doing a new thing. It is most often about doing the same thing in a new way.

So what exactly is it?

  • Possibility thinking is a mindset that does not accept limits unless they are constructive.
  • Possibility thinking is a mindset that knows there are always 1000+ other ways to get the result you need and/or want.
  • Possibility thinking is a mindset that doesn’t merely change what you do; it changes how you do it.
  • Possibility thinking can and does change who you become.
  • Possibility thinking is based on the fact that the only way to change your choices is to change your perspective.

What does it take?

Here are six steps to letting possibility thinking reign in any part of your life:

  1. Believe it’s possible (Yes – obvious but true!)
  2. Believe it’s possible for you (First stumble happens here – get rid of the excuses!)
  3. Be willing to do the work (Oh yes – it’s not magic. It still takes work.)
  4. Be willing to pay the price (Promise to price equation – Your Why Power in play.)
  5. Partner with the right people (Others can often see the possibilities before we can. Use their brain!)
  6. Play to keep playing (infinite vs. finite) and not simply to win. (The real key to it all.)

As I have been working on my soon to be released book on this very subject and have been thinking about what to share with my readers as my hope for the work. Kelly Rae’s words again spoke to me: “My hope is that my work invokes a sense of clarity and peace inside of you as you walk your own path in life; and that it inspires you to discover your own limitlessness.” So perfectly said I thought I might borrow it here. Are you ready?

Live today like you want tomorrow to be and as Emily Dickinson said: “Dwell in possibility.”

Live well.

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,
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