Often, when we’re looking for a breakthrough in our lives, we find that the magic moment isn’t generated based on getting something NEW.  Instead, the breakthrough happens more often based on getting to a place where we are willing to get go of something OLD.   That could be a belief about ourselves or others; negative emotions like guilt, blame, resentment or anger; or any other practice or influence within our daily life that is preventing us from moving forward.

Being stubborn about holding on to something that isn’t serving us may not be something we readily recognize in ourselves.  All too often we feel justified in our beliefs and feelings without even recognizing their cost.  If you think in terms of our personal perspectives as the window through which we see everything in our world it can get easier to see how hanging on is distorting our view.

Imagine that window to the world.  Now imagine that every feeling of anger, guilt, hurt, or resentment is like being in a car that is driving through mud puddles.  At first – you can barely see but eventually the water evaporates and you’re just left with the debris.  Some of it will blow away but what remains creates blind spots all over the windshield.  You no longer have a clear, unrestricted view of everything that is available to you.

We struggle letting go most often when it means we’re going to need to forgive or accept something about ourselves or others.  If you are facing this, here are some points for you to remember that may help make letting go an easier exercise:

1. We often believe that we are punishing someone else with our hurt.  But the reality is that whatever we are holding onto – it’s most likely hurting us far more than the other person.  We’re allowing the cost to compound.  Stop investing where the interest is negative!
2. It’s important to understand that acceptance or forgiveness does NOT mean condoning the act.  It just means we release ourselves from its continued burden of carrying it with us.  Reclaiming lost energy going to negative emotion is one of the best gifts we can give ourselves.
3.  You don’t need to know how you’re going to let go.  This is really simple.  You just have to be willing to let go and make that decision.  You’re not going to change the past.  Even as we learn from it – it doesn’t change it.  So let it go.  That’s all you need to do.
4. Whatever seems the most difficult for you to forget is probably what is hurting you the most.  Does this sound familiar?  I can forgive a lot of things, but I cannot forgive: ____!  Why not?  When we make it the most important part of our view, we allow everything in our world to be distorted by something that is going to continue to hurt us and ultimately those we serve.

A good exercise to go through is to ask what we need to release in terms of belief and emotion about ourselves (self-forgiveness is first!) and then others.  Then when we have our list, we can ask how we are benefiting ourselves by holding on to that belief or emotion.

The #1 answer to the question in group sessions has been that by hanging on (not forgetting!) we are somehow controlling it from happening again.  We need to ask ourselves if that is really true; because it’s not.  We need to shift our perspective and ask how we can learn from the experience and grow from it vs. letting it limit our future. So clear your view! And clear your way to a brighter future and richer life.