5 Tips to help adjust your view of change

April 28, 2014 By

Change and Choice and GrowthWhenever the subject of change comes up, there are mixed reactions.  Where we are in life, what we’ve experienced and our relationship with change will influence our response.  Even to the word!  But we didn’t start that way.  In fact, in our beginnings, change was the goal!

Travel back in time with me to when we were young.  Think about what got applause in your life:  First sounds, first words, first sentences!  First roll-over, first crawl, first steps! We progressed and that is change.  Change is about progress.  It is about growing.  All change.  Even the change that at first seems like it’s stopping you ultimately is just pausing you and for a purpose.

It can be tricky though to always embrace that idea and to go back to our earliest relationship with change.  And it definitely will not happen in an instant.  Like other “conditioned” responses in life, we have to do a bit of re-programming.  And that can take some effort.  But it can also be fun and the start of a life encompassing adventure.

Ready to get started?  It’s easier than you think.  Let’s go back to childhood and try a few oldies but goodies on for size. Here are my top five favorites to help turn your battle with change into your dance with change:

1)  Try a new food!  Remember this one?  How long has it been since you tried a new vegetable?  Even a new salad dressing? A new kind of fruit? Take a trip to a Farmer’s Market in your area and find something new and try it.  Ask the wait staff at your favorite restaurant to recommend something new for you to try. Try a new taste!

2)  Try some new music! This one is perhaps one of my favorites.  Are you a single genre kind of person? Or maybe you don’t have music in your life at all. Get some music in your life and mix it up.  Think you hate classical? Think again.  Try listening to some renditions from modern musicians like The Piano Guys.  You’ll hear things you never heard before.  What about some jazz? Not sure what’s out there? Ask your kids or grand-kids.  Or just spend some time on iTunes.  If you’re more visual, try YouTube videos in different genres.  The key is to give your brain a different beat to hear for a bit.  Soothing or salsa – it’s all great for the mind & soul.  And can be great for the body if it inspires you to move!

3)  Try some new words!  It would probably be a tie for me for this one with music because I do love language.  But think about your progression of knowledge as a young person.  Vocabulary was a big part of that.  We even had a minimum number of words a week to learn! Not sure where to start? Register for some of the word of the day messages.  My granddaughter and I had great fun with this one.  We both registered so we got the same word each day for a few months.  We so enjoyed coming up with ways to use those words.  It made us both better communicators.

4)  Try a different activity! When was the last time you broke your routine? Does one day run into the next because you basically do the same things every day? Why not introduce something different?  What is something you’ve been wanting to try? Or just begin again? Make a commitment to introduce a new activity into your schedule and then do it! It can be something as simple as walking every day.  Or beginning to journal.  The key is to do something that you already have the skills and resources to do.  Get creative. Maybe you always eat out.  Try cooking one night a week.  Or maybe for you it’s the reverse and you need to break the routine and get out more. Another idea is to switch up how you spend your time off, even lunch hours.  One of my clients began going to an art gallery or museum once a week.  It really had a domino effect and before she knew it, she had a whole new circle of friends and a vibrant social life that filled a void for her.

5)  Meet someone new! This one should be simple today given how much technology helps us reach out to people but we seem to still be pretty set within our circles.  Quite often, just changing our network can be the fundamental stimulus we can have for bringing significant growth into our lives.  Are you going back in time on this one? Remember the fear and hope as we started each new “year”? Who will still be there? Who were the “new” kids? Remember hearing about the influence of who you were “hanging out with”? Guess what – it’s still true! It is said that in any area of our life, we will not consistently achieve more than the average of the five people we spend the most time with or has the most influence over us. When we change our circle of influence, we change.  And as a result, so does our life.

Five very simple things you can begin right now.  It doesn’t take any more time.  Time is time.  It does mean you will use your time differently.  It doesn’t take any more money.  Not really.  But it could mean spending your money differently.  But isn’t that the point? We can’t expect our lives to change if we are not willing to grow and change.  Start with you.  And start where you don’t have to be afraid.  Start where change is about adventure and adding interest and color into your life.

Be sure and come back and share your experiences with us here.  You’ll be an inspiration for all of us!

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , ,

The who, what, when, where, how & why of FAITH

April 20, 2014 By

Faith_Faithful_EasterMy personal focus word for this year is faithful. When I chose the word, it was within the context of being faithful to my promise and to my promises. That is key in my life right now because it is a very real struggle, one that by choosing the word I fully acknowledged. I want to be faithful. I yearn to be faithful. And I have found that it is not easy. Because there are many influences inside of me and in my environment that quite often encourage the opposite of faithful. And some of them are there for a good purpose.

Blind faith is not necessarily a good thing. I am learning that there is a middle ground between absolute faith in something and impervious skepticism. It is the place of the student. One of my brothers puts it this way: Trust, but verify. So what happens when you can’t verify? When faith and trust are in fact the ultimate intuitive judgment call? That is the ageless question that faces many of us particularly when it comes to faith within a spiritual context.

What do you accept as proof? How do you believe purely on the basis of faith at a deep enough level for it to challenge and change you? For me, it comes down to this: We must make a decision, a choice based on what we do know.  In too many cases, we drift into our spiritual belief system based on the experiences of our childhood. We either reject what we experienced because we saw hypocrisy or experienced some perceived personal harm or we embrace it as a part of a legacy we’re intended to continue. Neither of those are, in fact, a valid choosing, they are default responses. We must each make a definitive choice or it is not our belief.

For me, it became a matter of three questions:

  1. Do I know what I believe?
  2. Do I know what I don’t believe?
  3. How do I demonstrate my belief?

The core word in all three questions? I

I often refer to my early mentor, Jim Rohn and on this subject he was a critical catalyst.  Here are his thoughts paraphrased:  Whatever you believe, be certain that is the product of your own conclusion. It is at the core of your personal philosophy and will impact everything you do in life. Start there. Be clear that your belief system and philosophy is the product of your own conclusion.

Are there hard facts to back up my belief? Perhaps or perhaps not. But there was sufficient evidence for me throughout history and in my own life to persuade and answer my questions.

Am I clear about what I believe? Yes. There isn’t anything ambiguous about my belief.

Am I clear about what I do not believe? In general. But it is here that there is always room for study and questions. From that will come more answers. In only choosing to be absolute in what I believe, I have created a better place for continued growth and understanding.

How do I demonstrate my belief? Here is where it all comes together because in truth, I demonstrate it in everything. If it is a true belief it influences everything. I believe in God as my creator. I believe I am made in His image and that I too have the ability and need to create. I believe in God as my companion. I believe I was made for the purpose of having a relationship with God.  That means an active and ongoing conversation with Him where we both listen and speak. I believe in God as my father. This carries the willingness to follow His guidance and teachings. That means I must study those and continue to grow in my understanding of what He expects of me and from me. I believe in God as my savior. This allows me to experience forgiveness and freedom at a fundamental level. It also means that I accept responsibility for the decisions I make and accept their outcome with respect but without fear.

That is my belief. My belief also includes that I was not created to dictate your belief. Only my own. This is the ultimate expression of personal responsibility. To celebrate my own belief I must acknowledge your freedom to choose your own without judgment. Because in the end, my belief was born from ultimate and unconditional love.

  • We create in love.
  • We communicate in love.
  • We grow in love.
  • We live in love.

That is the essence of what I believe and is my faith. It is then the essence and basis of faithful. As I was writing about this today I was reminded that it is only by practicing my faith that I am able to be faithful. A life that is created, shares, grows and is ultimately expressed in love including for ourselves, can only produce a life that has that as its outcome. It is only when we deviate from that guidance system that we falter.

A quote I saw recently was this:  “Strive to be remembered for what you would die for.” Powerful. That is what this Easter is about for me. A reminder that we must always do that knowing by faith that ultimately, when we are remembered for what we would die for, it is because that is what we lived for.  A compelling view of purpose.

Live well.

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Personal thoughts & insights, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , ,

What flavor is your fear? A guide to how fear can serve us

April 17, 2014 By

Smile at fearRecently I experienced a situation where fear was an unexpected partner in the dance. Not in an obvious way, but definitely present. In fact, I doubt that anyone involved (including me) recognized at the onset that fear was part of the situation. That troubles me because we will not change what we cannot see. And we won’t see what we are afraid to see.

There it is – FEAR. I have been reminded that to be successful personally and professionally, one of the core things we must develop is a healthy relationship with fear. Why? Because fear can be a positive energy, a partner for change.  But before that can happen, we need to engage fear as our ally.

The first step is to recognize that all of us experience fear. Every day. Let’s get some clarity about the many faces and flavors of fear. As I was researching this I found at least 45 synonyms for the word fear from one search.  45! That’s quite a few flavors. And when you move on to all of the additional terms and phrases, the list is literally endless. That tells us something. We get to choose some things about fear in any given situation. We get to put a specific name to our fear. Once we do that, it becomes easier to see it within a context that will allow us to counter and/or leverage it.

The second step is remembering that fear is a basic human response. We are born with fear as a primal response in recognition of danger and for self-preservation. Over time, we allow fear to become the danger itself and to be come self-limiting.  We need to remember that fear is not an absolute predictor, fear is just an alert mechanism that tells us we need to look at something before making our choice. Going back to our first point though, remember that in this context, fear does not have to remain a reflexive response. Fear can create choices in how we respond. As with any choice, once we recognize we are in a decision moment we know by default we have the power to make a different choice.

To help better demonstrate this, let’s look at 10 of the “flavors” of fear and an alternate choice for each of them:

Fear Power Response   Personal Power Response
anxiety   vs. calm 
aversion   vs. kindness
concern   vs. contentment 
doubt   vs. faith 
dread   vs. courage 
foreboding   vs.
assurance 
suspicion   vs. trust 
timidity   vs. confidence 
unease   vs. ease 
worry   vs. happiness 

Now on to our guide for making fear our ally.  Fear is an incredibly powerful emotion, even in these forms. It can distort our vision, perception and ability to act. In some cases, the fear is clearly invalid and we are able to just choose another response. But in most cases, we will need to engage with our fear and allow it to guide us back to our personal power. That is done using the right questions.

For example, if you are timid in certain situations it won’t be as simple as “I will choose confidence over being timid”.  Most likely, there is an underlying reason you are timid. The key will be to ask yourself what steps you need to take to develop confidence. Instead of focusing on the fear (being timid), focus on the alternative (confidence). First you will have to identify where you lack confidence. You will be able to look at what kinds of situations bring out that timidity and determine why. With that, fear becomes your ally. It allows you to see where you lack confidence, take the necessary steps to restore confidence and then thank your fear for its service and send it on its way!

Each one of the words listed above can leverage this process. Let’s look at unease. What is it about this situation creating unease for me? Are those things true? If so, are there steps I can take to be at ease? If so, what are they.  Take those steps, thank your fear (unease) for its service and send it on its way! If you cannot define steps that will help you feel at ease, recognize your unease as a “do not enter” warning”, thank your fear (unease) for its service and send it on its way! Over time, this becomes a more automatic reflex action for you.  Just remember that skill grows from use over time, not time alone. Put this into practice!

When we embrace fear for what it is meant to be – an alert to potential danger – we can leverage it to change outcomes and set ourselves up more effectively for success.

 

 

 

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , ,

3 Keys to a More Satisfying Life & Work

March 12, 2014 By

Old keysMultiple studies have shown that over 50% of people no longer find satisfaction in their life or work. In fact, they are becoming increasingly unhappy. While specific reasons vary, they generally fall into one of three categories:

1-  They no longer feel like a meaningful contributor;

2-  They are no longer comfortable taking risks;

3-  They did not plan to be where they are at this point in their life.

What about you?  On a scale of 1 to 10 – where is your life-work satisfaction meter registering?  If you are in that 50% that is dissatisfied, it is time for you to look more closely at your situation and determine what steps you can take to reclaim satisfaction in your life and work.

There’s another facet to realize about these three indicators and how they each can accelerate the others. Are you in the first group but find that the second point keeps you from taking action? Or perhaps you are in the third group but due to the second point, you are settling for far less than you can accomplish.  You see, these really do go hand in hand. Think of them as gears, one turns the other.  Not satisfied with what you are doing?  Too unsettled to fix it? Feeling trapped and without choices?

If this is you, the first step is going to be to take responsibility for where you are and stop allowing yourself to fall prey to victim thinking. I can share with you that when it was first put to me in those terms, I was insulted.  In fact I reacted badly until I realized it was in fact true. I was allowing myself to be held hostage. I was a functioning victim of the economy and settling for someone else’s idea of how to define and deal with risk in my own life.

So what can we do about this?  Consider with me these three basic keys to going from dissatisfied to satisfied:

  1. Commit to total honesty & self awareness
  2. Commit to being open to a new way of seeing everything
  3. Commit to taking responsibility and action

That’s it – three key ideas to consider.  If you are willing to make those three commitments, then get on board.  Your journey is about to get interesting and yes – satisfying.  Always remember, there is more value in the rest of your story than you ever dreamed possible. And if a different perspective would be helpful, we’re always here to help as your possibility partner.

Live well. Live today like you want tomorrow to be.

 

 

 

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Success & Significance, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , ,

How to turn “Once upon a time” into “Here and now”

March 2, 2014 By

When a story begins with the words “once upon a time…”, we expect to hear a fairy tale.  One of those stories where everything is extraordinary and the ending has everyone living “happily ever after”. But those stories also taught us a few character lessons when we first heard them as children.  They taught us courage, perseverance and doing the right thing.  We also learned that happy endings often come at a price, that there is sacrifice as well.

Over the course of time, we stopped remembering the middle of the story.  All we remembered was “once upon a time” and “happily ever after” and so we stopped believing in the fairy tale.

But what if once upon a time could be here and now?  What if happily ever after was not just for children’s stories?  What if we could lay claim to that?  I believe we can.  But we have to put the middle of the story back in.  We have to develop our story, we have to make the sacrifices, we have to slay our dragons.  In other words, we have to do the work.

For many years, any time I was asked to name my top five goals in life one thing on my list was always to write a book.  It was my “once upon a time” story.  And it was definitely staying in fairy tale land for me.  Why?  Because I wasn’t doing the work.  I had the desire but not the commitment.  I wasn’t willing to make the sacrifices I needed to make.  And then I was.

I started to do the work.  I signed up for some writer’s workshops, I participated in writer’s retreats and I started looking for mentors that would be able to guide me down the path of my dream to write that book.  I can’t really tell you exactly when it shifted for me but the shift did happen.  I went from talking about a book to actually working on my book.  I am writing everyday and working with an extraordinary editor and publisher.  It will finish in 2014!

But what really changed?  It wasn’t the desire.  It wasn’t even the skill although that is definitely being aggressively (and enthusiastically!) honed.  What changed is that I started to work.  I picked up that sword from the fairy tale and started slaying the dragons blocking my path.  And I made the sacrifices. My schedule had to make room for this.  That meant something had to go. The investments had to be made in time and money to make the “happily ever after” my “here and now”.

What is it that you want for your life that has been in that secret place or not so secret place of your mind that is your fairy tale?  What first step can you take to begin your work?  Here are four points to ask yourself to help get you from “once upon a time” to here and now”:

1)  You must believe it is possible

2)  You must believe it is possible for YOU

3)  You must be willing to do the WORK

4)  You must be willing to make the necessary SACRIFICES

I remember clearly one of the early lessons I learned from mentor Jim Rohn:  “When the promise is clear, the price becomes easy.”  What we have to remember is that the price remains.

To wrap this up, I’m going to borrow a quote from Sherri Shepard I will never forget as she was departing from the Dancing With The Stars competition about to start up a new season:

“And, I wanna say, to every person out there — that thing that scares you the most, that makes you say, ‘I don’t know if I can do it, I’m scared,’ run towards it because it’s so amazing on the other side.”

I agree.  There is nothing like being on the other side of once upon a time… here and now is unbelievably wonderful!

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Personal thoughts & insights, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Bringing the virtual world home…

February 18, 2014 By

Virtual officeOur lives are enriched everyday by people we have never met in person.  Whether through on-line classrooms, forums, social media or just by reading the stories of incredible people leading extraordinary lives, the influence of the stranger has never been greater.

When we have the opportunity to bridge that virtual space and bring that virtual world into our physical realm, there can be both excitement and a bit of trepidation.

What if we are disappointed?  What if THEY are disappointed?  This of course is the fodder of many discussions when relating it to on-line dating and other personal circumstances but what about when it’s your business?

We engage with people we’ve never met now as a matter of course.  In some cases, they know more about our lives and businesses than our families and friends.  But there is a growing shift to close those gaps.   Even if 90% of the relationship and it’s exchanges stay virtual, there is a definite emphasis coming back to getting eye to eye through video conferencing and face to face at conferences, expos, mastermind meetings and other networking events.

What a wonderful time we live in and how fortunate we are to have all of these marvelous tools at our fingertips!  But as with anything, the strategy we employ and the integrity we maintain will be the key factors in making certain that all of these wonders of technology are being used to an effective end and purpose.

Technology in and of itself is just the tool.  The craftsmen are still required for it to actually create the miracle and transform.

So as we go about our lives, virtually and where there is dust and dirt, let’s not lose sight of the fact that we are still all people with very real lives and dreams.  Virtual doesn’t change who we are.  It just changes how we meet, how we communicate and the opportunity to bring value to so many in so many ways.

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Personal thoughts & insights, Winds of Change Tagged With: , ,
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