From here to there to where?

January 7, 2014 By

I grew up in northern Ohio.  Very different from where I live now in south Texas.  Looking back, one of my favorite aspects of living there was the cycling (or perhaps recycling…) of seasons and their influence on our lives.

Watching all of the recent weather reports and pictures of extreme cold has reminded me of just how aligned our lives were to those seasons.  Certain activities naturally fell into each one.  The freedom of riding your bike was one of the joys of spring that stayed with you into fall.  Watching the snow fall and building snow forts and sledding with my brothers created some memorable times from the winter season.  Our lives held a place for certain activities based on the season.  It gave us something to look forward to and as a result, I believe trained our minds to not just expect change but to embrace it.   It seems a bit of a mystery then why if that is the case change still seems to be a bit of a struggle.  Why does going from “here” to “there” seem so frightening?  After all, I couldn’t wait for the next season as a child.

I believe the answer lies within the fact that what we experienced as children with seasons and school schedules and all that goes with those transitions held at least some element of familiarity.  Summer came around and around but it was always summer.  We welcomed the seasonal changes because we knew what the next one looked like, smelled like and would feel like.  School may have progressed with its level of challenge but it was still school.  We knew classmates, probably already knew most of the teachers and other than major milestones, knew the building and place.  Only a portion of our life experience was changing.

Tight-Rope-WalkToday however with the influence of technologies and the general rapid rate of change everywhere that is not always the case.  Sometimes we have no idea what is next and we feel a bit like the tightrope walker going from place to place with no net below.

I have experienced significant (and multiple) changes over the past few years.  This is an intimate topic for me and one that I believe is at the center of how we as human beings learn not only to live our best lives but to also help those around us do the same. My journey has included changes at home with my daughter getting married (empty-nester!); the loss of a job that I truly enjoyed (empty-job!); and, a health crisis that required months of treatment and changes in lifestyle (empty-health!).  But somehow through all of that, what has resulted isn’t a life that is less – what I have experienced is a life that is more.  My relationship with my daughter has deepened and my grand-girls are my delight.  My new professional life and work is far more fulfilling. And my health is better than it has been in over a decade.  But at the onset of each of these changes, I could not see or even have imagined where the path would lead. There were times that I was indeed feeling like that tightrope walker.  But my net was my faith and a belief in myself and my ability to chart my own course.

Here are the three principles that have served me through these and other transitions and allowed me to go beyond a change of place (or other life situation) to a place of growth and even joy:

1- I take full responsibility for my life.  No excuses.  My choices.  My responsibility.

2- My vision of the future is my touchstone for today’s decisions and actions.

3- The answer can and will always be found when I ask the right question.

There is abundant freedom in these principles.  I share them with you with the hope that they speak to you as they have spoken to me.

Never forget that our best days are always in front of us.  There is more value in the rest of your story than you can possibly imagine. Live today like you want tomorrow to be.  Live well.

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Personal thoughts & insights, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

What a difference a day makes…

January 2, 2014 By

 

Holiday Calendar. New year dayJanuary 2, 2014 – Just another day on the calendar. Nothing unique about this date which is quite a change when you think about all of the focus we gave to yesterday.  Today is when the routine of reality begins to collide with the promises we made for the New Year.  All of those resolutions, choosing of focus words, creation of goals and great intentions are now put to the test.

Because today is just another day on the calendar and our old habits do not know we made all of these new promises.

Old habits are the result of our mindset.  And our mindset works like a thermostat for setting the patterns of our life.  That makes today far more important than yesterday. All days may be created equal, but that is not how they are invested. And the first lesson of faithful is that when it comes to “days”, none is more important than today.

So how do we overcome the gap between the promises we made on January 1st and the realities of January 2nd? How do we create an environment that encourages our success? How do we set ourselves up to keep our promises? To actually live our promise?

The key is recognizing the value of the how we are investing our time, our days.  When was the last time you logged your activities? I’m not talking about just what you enter into your calendar.  This involves everything you do.  If it’s been awhile, that may be a good thing for you to consider doing in these first few days of 2014.  Why? Because we aren’t going to change what we aren’t aware is happening.

Self awareness is the first step to personal development and achieving all of those goals we have set for ourselves.  When I work with clients that want to stop thinking about success and truly start to achieve it, this is where we begin.  Getting a defined starting point is the key to creating the right itinerary for our journey.

Doing the exercise is simple enough.  Just start when you get up and each time you change your activity, log it.  If you use a smart phone – you can use that to log it.  If not – just have a small notebook.  Make certain that you log EVERY activity and the starting time.  You do not have to put an ending time – just a start time.  And remember.  This is for YOUR EYES ONLY.  This isn’t anything you would ever need to show anyone else.  It also isn’t about later judgment.  Even for yourself.  It is just logging what you are doing over the course of a day.  If you can manage a few days – that would be even better in terms of the value you can get from this.  My suggestion is to start on a Thursday or Friday and continue to Monday or Tuesday depending on when you started.  So get five days of logging that include 2 or 3 normal week days and your weekend.

If you are like most of us, there are going to be some surprises in store.  Some will bolster confidence, some will become the motivation you need to take some controls back on your time.  But the insights overall will be priceless.  Think of this as a gift you are giving yourself.  And look forward to seeing the results! Because it is all about your success and seeing for yourself what a difference a day makes!

“All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.” Galileo Galilei

“People are usually more convinced by reasons they discovered themselves than by those found by others.” Blaise Pascal

“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day of the year.”  Ralph Waldo Emerson

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , ,

What’s in a word or 2 or 20? Or perhaps 500?

January 1, 2014 By

digits on the sandEach year now for several years I have made it a practice to choose one word that will be my central philosophical focus for the year.   The practice has served  me  well.  Last year my word was GRATITUDE.  My focus was living from a place of grace.  Finding the gift in every situation, the grace in every exchange.  What an amazing difference that made and continues to make.  What is important to know is that I chose the word at a time when it was a challenge to accept as my true mantra.  But I claimed it and practiced it. And then it claimed me.  It is what I have come to believe to be the only true “positive” thinking we can achieve.  To be grateful. For it all.

As I was reflecting on what my life word would be for 2014 I decided to re-visit what I wrote on the first day of 2013.  Here is a portion of that post:

“One of the lessons I have learned is that we can’t always wait for change to find us.  Even in this time of such overwhelming opportunity.  Sometimes we need to become the architect of the change, the growth we need.  After all, whatever we become, we will still be our unique selves, more evolved, hopefully wiser.  But still ourselves.”

Going back and reading the words after 2013 is now behind me brought to light that one of the lessons of this past year was the counter-point to this.  Sometimes we need to wait and allow change to happen. I will admit that I struggle with this.  I’m not a patient person.  I want things done.  Now.  The realization and shift for me was that by not allowing some time for my life soup to simmer a bit I was in fact rushing past incredible opportunities and joy.

Sometimes the BEST is something unknown yet to us.  I am grateful that I was led to the path that now allows a balance of patience and persistence.  One of my favorite quotes on the subject comes from Criss Jami: “The common man prays, ‘I want a cookie right now!’ And God responds, ‘If you’d listen to what I say, tomorrow it will bring you 100 cookies.”

The result for me was being able to focus on the day, just the day.  The work to be done this day.  The love to be given this day.  The lessons to be learned this day.  The most incredible and intricate tapestries can only happen one stitch at a time.  The most beautiful and inspiring works of art are created one stroke at a time.  The most soul stretching melodies are written one note at a time.  And so it is with our lives.  We live them not in years but in days, even in moments. To have the tomorrow that we want, we must live it today.  Live today like you want tomorrow to be.  That was a  transformational lesson for me in the past year and what I take with me into 2014.

And from this my life word has found me:  FAITHFUL.  To be faithful.  I am grateful for all of the lessons and blessings in my life.  But to be truly grateful, means that I must also live faithfully to my promise.  Therein lies the true power source of an incredible life.  Gratitude for God’s promises.  Being faithful to my promises.  Every day.

And so the journey goes on as I continue to grow and evolve.  My focus is different now.  It is about making and keeping the right promises.  Each day.

“Being faithful in the smallest things is the way to gain, maintain, and demonstrate the strength needed to accomplish something great.” (Alex Harris)

You are invited to join me here and to share the journey.  Come explore with me what it means to be faithful and to live without regret.  The writings themselves will be a promise to be faithful.  To bring you 500 words or more each day of January.  That is my first promise.  What will your first promise be for 2014?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Personal thoughts & insights, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Coaching insight: 10 Essentials for Living “Well” Starting Today

August 29, 2013 By

body, mind, soul, spirit and you on blackboardPart of any personal development plan is the prioritization of self-care.  Taking responsibility for our overall well-being physically is an important first step in being able to function at optimal levels beyond the physical.  Why? Because our mental, emotional and even spiritual “self” is either supported or diluted by our physical “self”.

The reason it’s important to focus first on the “prioritization” of this is because we all know what we need to do.  And on some level, we all want to do the right things.

In fact, studies show that living “well” is one of the most highly coveted aspirations we share.  Over 85% of us start each year with a resolution that deals with personal improvement in some area of our life.  38% of us have identified health and wellness specifically as where we want to improve.  Unfortunately, these resolutions are also the ones that carry the highest fail rates for success.

So when Nicole Bandes invited me to participate in a series of blog posts specific to self-care it was an easy “yes”!  The request was to provide a list of “10” essentials.  As you will see, mine doesn’t conform to the typical “health & wellness” top ten list.  There’s nothing there about achieving your ideal weight or telling you how many servings of vegetables you need.  I’ll leave that kind of instruction to the experts.  The list I contributed is about the framework.  It’s about you and your lifestyle.  Because it’s the framework that is going to drive success that is sustainable.

Here is my list:

1)      Set the right goals (Get these right.. the rest will follow!)

2)      Recognize hype and don’t fall for it (Enough said…)

3)      Choose your friends carefully (This one may be surprising..)

4)      Hydrate! Hydrate! Hydrate! (Enough said…)

5)      Know what you’re consuming  (This isn’t just about the food we eat…)

6)      Set yourself up for success with the right tools (Where we often fail…& the easiest to fix!)

7)      Log your key activities (Write it down…)

8)      Track your progress (Review the results..)

9)      Begin each day with an essential health activity (BEGIN – do it FIRST!)

10)   Renew your commitment to your health daily (This is about today. Yesterday is done and tomorrow is waiting.  This is today.)

To learn more,  you can read the entire post here and also check out some of the other articles and contributors.

After reading the article, think about which of these ten are where you are the most vulnerable.  Start there.  Make that your first essential health activity.  Renew that commitment daily.

And then create your own list.  I’d love to hear from you about what yours looks like! Be sure and check back as I share more information here about my own journey to my best self in an effort to come along side you in your own.

Always remember:  Live today like you want tomorrow to be.  And that’s what it will be.

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Weekly Insight: Do you have the rarest form of courage?

July 29, 2013 By

CourageThere is a powerful statement I have heard many times from thought leaders over the years.  Each time I hear it, it stops me in my life tracks like a flashing light at a railroad crossing:

It’s not what we are doing or where we are going that matters.  What matters is who we are becoming. 

That belief is at the center of my own personal philosophy.  My manifesto is that our core belief system should require us to have a purpose-driven life.  That means we embrace our unique purpose and live each day as we want tomorrow to be.  We must grow in ways that matter, for ourselves and for others.  Our lives must deliver on our promise, for today and for the future.

I’m currently reading a book by Mark Batterson where that truth was again highlighted.  The specific work, SOUL PRINT is captivating on many levels.  As I’ve been delving into his perspective on our uniqueness and the responsibility that carries for our divine destinies, there were four key points that resonated with me.  I’m sharing those with you here with some of my own thoughts but giving full credit for the insight to Mark as the original architect of the work.

  • Insight #1: The rarest form of courage is to be ourselves. (Batterson)

At some point in life we all become conscious of “image” and we strive on some level to conform to what is “acceptable”.  We’re essentially social creatures and we want to be accepted.  And we quite often fall prey to the belief that to achieve acceptance, we have to become someone other than who we are.  And that brings the deepest form of despair.  The alignment of who we are to what we do is the single strongest contributor to how we feel, about ourselves and our life.  When we experience guilt, stress or anxiety, it is most often because we have an alignment issue. But it will take courage to move past the image and be ourselves.

  • Insight #2: When we adopt a second “persona” we agree to live a secondhand life. (Batterson)

When I first read this particular insight it startled me because it brings into focus the fact that the result is the complete opposite of what we set out to achieve.  We adopt an image that is not true to who we are because we think it will give us something “better”. But in fact, it gives us something far less than we deserve. We are always living in the shadow of that image. It does not empower us, it limits us. The best energies have been “used up” by the original.

It brought to mind something my granddaughter said to me a few years ago that stayed with me.  I asked her why she never wore shirts that had celebrity names or pictures on them like so many of her friends. She looked at me rather stunned and said: “Why would I want to wear something with someone else’s picture and name on it?” How insightful! Why indeed.

In the documentary of her 2011 tour, Katy Perry talked about this clearly. She said that everyone was trying to “place” her – to find a spot for her in the market. They were trying to find another star she could emulate and be the next “??”. Her response was brilliant.  She wasn’t interested in being the next anyone.  She was the first Katy Perry. Wonderful!

  • Insight #3:  Self-discovery is a lot like an archeological dig. It takes time and (some) treasures are hidden. (Batterson)

Here is another point where personal courage comes into play. It takes patience and perseverance to know ourselves. It takes real courage to truly see ourselves. And each layer must be sifted and sorted to understand everything that makes us unique. The good, the bad and the beautiful! As Batterson said, some of our best (treasures) are hidden. We have to be willing to not only seek them but to also bring our best selves into the light. As we excavate who we are, we also discover our purpose because we’ll begin to fully understand our unique talents and their value in the world.

  • Insight #4: The longer I live, the more I thank God for the disappointments in my life. (Batterson)

In so many stories of great triumph, it becomes clear that people do not succeed “in spite of” their challenges.  They succeed BECAUSE of their challenges.  It’s a subtle shift in perspective but it’s everything. We can be grateful for what is happening because we can have faith that what is ahead is only possible because of where we are.  The line from this section of the book that went straight into my journal was this:  “Every past experience is preparation for some future opportunity.”

 

Having that rare form of courage to be ourselves is not an easy path.  It is, however, always the right path. The first step is self-awareness and we then must be able to separate out what in our realm is really a “second-hand” life. We can and must allow ourselves time and perspective. But more importantly we must embrace and celebrate growth from the challenges we encounter.

We need courage to face who we are and courage to grow to the person we can be.

We need courage to be honest with ourselves and honest with the world.

We need to have courage.

But above all, we need to be.

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Success & Significance, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , , ,

How do you spell change?

July 10, 2013 By

Change

Filed Under: Inspiration & Creativity, Learning & Growth, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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