What do you take with you?

May 24, 2015 By

Moving This is a time of transition for many in my closest circle of family and friends. We have young adults that were just children a blink ago now graduating from high school and heading off to college. Others are planning weddings and baby showers. My own grand-girl is moving into high school. My daughter is looking to move into a house more suited to her growing family.  And those are just a few.

Transition. Even when it’s organic or by choice, it’s still a time of change and can be bittersweet; especially when it involves that place we call home.

My first home on my own was a small frame house in Grand Rapids, Michigan that I shared with a friend. It was in the early 1970’s and we were college students, heady with that first taste of independence. The house was on Walnut Street. I still remember how “grownup” we felt having our own place to live.

But all these years later, other than a few books and photographs, only memories remain of that time and place.

Over the years, there would be other homes in other cities. I would share those places and spaces with other people or live alone. Books and photographs continued to travel with me. At some point in my life, other things began to also make the sojourn to the next address.  Artwork, collectibles, even a few furniture pieces have been with me now for many decades. They stay with me because they have come to represent a part of my life in a meaningful way.

Recently I chronicled all of the places I have called home. While I have clear memories of some of them, it’s a bit sketchy for others. I was somewhat surprised to realize how many addresses there have been over the past 60 years that at some point had my name attached to them. Each of them is part of the imprint of my life. When thinking about this, here is what I know to be true: every time I have moved I have in reality also left parts of my life behind and carried parts with me.

If you have ever gone through a move you will understand this. There is no better time to streamline than when you move.  We toss things, give them away, perhaps even have a garage sale or two and recycle! Some things we carry with us out of need but will later replace with something more suited to our new home. The rest continues on and is put in a new place where we can see it in a new light even as we remember its former glow.

This is how I am beginning to understand life overall. With each time and season of my life I feel the call to let parts of the old season remain where they are. There is no need to carry them forward. Even who I serve and how I serve them. Going into my new (next) means leaving some of my past (now) behind. It also means taking some things with me, even if only for awhile. And it means some things will remain. I find that very comforting and hopeful all at the same time. Every time and season has its purpose.  And another season always follows. What genius God displays in giving us this gift of life to experience as we grow and change.

If you are coming into one of those time junctures in your life, even if the biggest change is for someone else, it is a perfect opportunity to think about this for yourself. What will stay behind? What will remain? Good questions for all of us always. Even day by day.

Choose today what you want tomorrow to be.

Keep that. Live that. Live well.

Filed Under: Personal thoughts & insights, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , ,

Happy Mother’s Day – A personal reflection on living a life that matters

May 10, 2015 By

potter and studentAs I write this week’s post it is Mother’s Day.  I’ve spent the day with my Mom along with my three brothers and their families. Because of today’s technology, even though my sister was in New York, we were able to have her “join” us through a video call. All five siblings were together to honor my Mom on this day set apart for that purpose.

These marks in time also prompt me to pause and reflect on how blessed my life continues to be.

My personal values have their origin in the teachings and experiences of growing up in a nurturing environment rich in love and high in expectation. By certain standards, it may have appeared that we were really just an average family. We were certainly not rich financially. And yet, we did not live average lives and still do not. There was always an expectation (and example) to continuously grow into more as contributors in our community.

Because of that, we continue to be rich beyond measure. I am so very grateful for that.

The legacies left to us from the lives of multiple generations have instilled a love of family, compassion for others and a sense of responsibility for living an honorable life. A direct legacy from my parents focused on a passion to always strive to grow in knowledge and service. I’ve recognized lately the genesis is here for why I am so driven to keep learning and growing. The distinction though is that it’s not just for the sake of accumulating knowledge. It is to be able to more effectively serve.

I believe that is the key for all of us. This again goes to why I feel so strongly about the value of strategy. We must focus on why we do what we do; why we think the way we do; why we respond as we do. Because those are the questions we must keep asking ourselves in order to achieve the results we want and need.

My message today is very simple and comes from my heart. We each need to know who we want to be. That is the foundation of everything. What are the core values we want to serve because that is ultimately who we become. From there, we just need to keep our lives on a path that provides us with the opportunity to serve those values. It is a much clearer path than we might believe.

The life clutter falls away when we get clear on this one point: Who do we want to be and is that who we are? If so, how do we put those values into service? If not, what steps do we need to take in order to grow into that person? What knowledge and skills do we need to gain? What people do we need to be surrounding ourselves with in order to grow into that person? The question must be asked and answered throughout our life.

Success is empty without a purpose. Success must be invested in something bigger than what it is on its own to be fully realized. That is what I’ve learned and now share with you. This is my vision for my own life and my mission in helping you in yours. There is more value in the rest of your story than you can possibly imagine. That to me is exciting news!

Live today like you want tomorrow to be. For yourself and for those that follow you. I am so blessed and grateful that my own great-grandparents, grandparents and parents all did just that. They were always living forward. They enjoyed their moment in time and invested it in the future. I am so honored to continue to shine a light on that path.

Live well.

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Personal thoughts & insights, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Are you a possibilitarian? Do you want to be?

May 3, 2015 By

My first introduction to the term possibilitarian came from Norman Vincent Peale in his book The Power of Positive Thinking. The concept however was introduced much earlier in my life. In fact, I don’t remember a time when it hasn’t been a part of how my world view was influenced and developed.

My heritage is filled with stories of people that were each a possibilitarian in their own lives, inspiring each generation to follow to the same. I believe that outside of my spiritual heritage, that has been the greatest gift I have received.

What I have observed though is that we tend to mistakenly fuse positive and possible together, as if they represent the same point of view. We see it as being a half-full or half-empty perspective. And that is where I believe we begin to go astray about the true power of what it represents. Because it isn’t at all whether the glass is half-full or half-empty, it is about the possibilities you see from what is there and the opportunity for more.

Possibilities

Think about that for a moment. What if instead of thinking in terms of gain or loss; win or lose, we thought in terms of what was possible based on where we’re at and what we have within our reach? What could we do with just a bit of stretch? In the end nothing else will mark our lives more profoundly than our ability to do just that.

Here is the actual philosophy in Mr. Peale’s own words: “I challenge you to become a possibilitarian. No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see the possibilities – always see them, for they are always there.”

The root meaning of the word possible is “capable of making happen”. Can you think of anything more invigorating and inspiring than facing each day with the mindset that we are capable of making happen whatever we choose? It raises the bar for what we see as choices to a very different level, doesn’t it?

A favorite contemporary (and self-professed) possibilitarian is artist and author, Kelly Rae Roberts. In my work as a life strategist I find people that continue to forge new paths in their lives to be the most compelling as inspiration and for insight into what this concept really means. Kelly Rae is someone that has that kind of story and mission. Her art pieces share a synopsis of her own path on the back of each of them. Why? Because her story is part of her art. It’s part of the journey. What she yearned for was not what she originally chose in terms of profession. I’m fairly certain many of us can relate to that. But in the end, she did ultimately experience a full range of possibilities as she made a difference choice and craft.  In her manifesto she shares this thought: “I believe that we get to choose, that we get to craft the exact life that has been waiting for us.” 

Would you like this to be you? Here are some signs that your may not be experiencing the full power of possibility thinking:

  • Limited or guarded perspective – Do you find yourself overly cautious about what your choices might be? Do you think in terms of “this or that”?
  • Focused on Perfection over Progress – So often we full reign to the technician in us and fail to let our creative self join in the fun! Have you embraced the fact that perfection is a myth?
  • Confusion between Talent & Skill – Skill is learned and 90% of what we need comes from that. We confuse these terms. We see something as requiring talent when it really only needs desire. Talent is less specific, it can travel many places.
  • Over planning & under-preparing – This is a very telling sign. Something not going to plan? How do you respond? Are you able to pivot? Do you see loss or new opportunities?

How you have responded to these statements and questions will help you begin to see where you could bring your own possibilitarian self more fully to the forefront.

This is also a good place to remind you what possibility thinking and living is not:

  • It is not positive thinking. This is not a Pollyanna view of life. It has strong roots in realism. The reality is that there are far more possibilities than we think. Some of the most effective possibility thinking comes from crisis or even just things not going as originally planned.
  • It is not always “out of the box” thinking. If fact, in most cases, possibility thinking begins with looking at what is there now in a new way. Think innovation. Rarely does that mean doing a new thing. It is most often about doing the same thing in a new way.

So what exactly is it?

  • Possibility thinking is a mindset that does not accept limits unless they are constructive.
  • Possibility thinking is a mindset that knows there are always 1000+ other ways to get the result you need and/or want.
  • Possibility thinking is a mindset that doesn’t merely change what you do; it changes how you do it.
  • Possibility thinking can and does change who you become.
  • Possibility thinking is based on the fact that the only way to change your choices is to change your perspective.

What does it take?

Here are six steps to letting possibility thinking reign in any part of your life:

  1. Believe it’s possible (Yes – obvious but true!)
  2. Believe it’s possible for you (First stumble happens here – get rid of the excuses!)
  3. Be willing to do the work (Oh yes – it’s not magic. It still takes work.)
  4. Be willing to pay the price (Promise to price equation – Your Why Power in play.)
  5. Partner with the right people (Others can often see the possibilities before we can. Use their brain!)
  6. Play to keep playing (infinite vs. finite) and not simply to win. (The real key to it all.)

As I have been working on my soon to be released book on this very subject and have been thinking about what to share with my readers as my hope for the work. Kelly Rae’s words again spoke to me: “My hope is that my work invokes a sense of clarity and peace inside of you as you walk your own path in life; and that it inspires you to discover your own limitlessness.” So perfectly said I thought I might borrow it here. Are you ready?

Live today like you want tomorrow to be and as Emily Dickinson said: “Dwell in possibility.”

Live well.

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Where are the stars on your calendar?

April 24, 2015 By

coming soon ticketThroughout life we become conditioned to want, even arguably need a mark in time to look forward to. It’s not that now isn’t important. Now is crucial as it is the only thing that has the power to create next. But there is still something that draws us in when there is a spot on the horizon that we look forward to reaching.

Perhaps it started with that last school bell (yes I am dating myself but you know what I mean!) before summer break. Or maybe it was a holiday that became a particular favorite and you paced your calendar each year to see that date come into view. For some, family vacations were planned as adventures or traditions that were the pinnacle experience year after year.

Because I was a music student and performer for the majority of my growing up years, I can still clearly remember recitals and looking forward to programs and performances. There was a focus and a planning. But more than that, there was a sense of reaching a kind of joy. I counted the days.

The idea of something to look forward to has even made it into many definitions of happiness. Best-selling author and poet Rita Mae Brown is quoted as saying that “Happiness is pretty simple. You need someone to love, something to do and something to look forward to.”

As we move through our lives, what qualifies as something to look forward to changes as we change. In some cases, that may be a transition to much simpler things. In others, it might be that we are ready for something more significant. What matters is to realize the need to identify and define. We cannot look forward to something we have not claimed for ourselves.

Recently I went through a period of time where I recognized that I was growing restless. While I wasn’t dissatisfied with my life overall there was a sense of becoming somewhat bored with it. I was happy in my work, comfortable with my strategies for the future and growing into healthy and nurturing relationships with friends. But something was definitely still missing. I took to my journal and began exploring this and I realized that while I was gaining knowledge for my work, I was not learning new things in my personal life. I also recognized that my calendar had become my guidepost day to day but there were no stars in the pages ahead.

I have come to the conclusion that if we are not growing personally and counting the days to something, we are missing some of life’s sweetest pleasures. And I started working on those stars.

Those stars are guiding lights that keep us moving through the routine with anticipation. Something as simple as a new class has been a highly effective starting point for me. Each Saturday morning I escape! And I am sitting at a pottery wheel or working at the table with clay and creating something of value simply because it is my creation. Learning a new skill, meeting new people and getting stars on my calendar every week.

What about you? My desire for you is that you have many stars in your calendar that you look forward to. What are you looking forward to this week? This month? This year? Where are the stars on your calendar?

Live well. Get some stars!

 

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , ,

Have You Had Your Break Today?

April 20, 2015 By

Take a Break words on Road Sign and Stop SignIn 1971, McDonald’s launched a massive advertising campaign that focused on women. It included the slogan that has stayed with them even to today: You deserve a break today! While it might be the children’s love of fries and toys that keep families coming back, initially it was giving Moms a break away from the kitchen.

Early advertising focused on how clean McDonald’s kitchens were and the high quality of the food.  They wanted Moms to relax and know that their family was in good hands, even if just for one meal. It was about giving “her” a break. You deserve a break today! So get up and get away – to McDonald’s!

The idea of a break is perhaps one of the easiest ways to begin introducing a viable self care plan. It isn’t about over-hauling everything. It’s about integrating a few things in a way that incorporates them into your normal routines and life. We are able to sustain those few critical activities by making them part of our life instead of separate. If there is a sense of removing you (vs. replenishing you) the priorities get more conflicted.

So what actually constitutes a break? Are there rules for this? Yes and no. Let’s look at a couple of examples. A vacation isn’t a break if it doesn’t use a pause button somewhere. If you take your work with you and remain constantly in work mode, it’s not a vacation at all. It is in fact just a change in geography. That’s not to say you can’t mix business with pleasure. But you do need to be able to hit that pause button mentally as well as physically. In other words, wherever you are – be there. Whomever you are with, be with them.

Another example to think about is our attachment to electronic devices today, particularly our phones, e-mail, texts and social media. To take a break means you eliminate the normal distractions and disruptions as well as stepping back from routine. When I began a morning ritual of journaling, reading and prayer several years ago I found that there was a marked difference in how I emerged from that time if my phone was not only turned off but actually out of any line of sight. The break wasn’t complete for me unless the phone was removed.

The most important part for understanding the idea of a break is the recognition that it is about just that – a break. Something stops. Not everything, but something, even if just for a moment. Think about the theatre. In between the acts of the play there are breaks. It’s not about what happens on the break. It’s about what isn’t happening. The stage is empty. You are separated from it until it resumes. The same applies with sports. Each year the Super Bowl half-time has grown in its own importance within the event. But its core purpose is not to entertain us; it is to give the players a break. They leave the field. They leave the battle. Even though they may mentally still be thinking about the game, they have a reprieve from the physical demands of the game.

One of the best ways to make certain you are getting the breaks that you need is identifying where you need them. If you work on a computer for hours on end as I do, it’s important to take physical breaks as well as mental ones. It’s not enough for me to shut down the work and socialize online. I need to do as the McDonald’s slogan asserted: Get up and get away. I need to stretch and move.

Here are some thoughts on how to incorporate breaks that may serve you:

  1. Sometimes we simply need a change of pace. We just need to slow down or perhaps speed up. The break can actually be something that surges the adrenalin. Something changes.
  2. A change of place can be effective but it’s critical that the place is something that engages us differently. Moving from one chair to another chair may not be enough. However moving to a chair outside and taking in fresh air and sunshine makes that more possible.
  3. Sometimes we need a change in the people we’re around. If you are always with the same people at work and in your social life, you may want to consider introducing a “break” and engage new and interesting people.
  4. What do you talk about? Even a change in conversation is a nice break. If you always talk about work, make it a point to create opportunities to talk about something else. That’s a break because it engages your brain differently. It can also be a nice break to let the other person guide the conversation. I love chatting with my grand-girl for just this reason. I love the way your brain works. It fascinates me and fully engages me.
  5. What are you reading? This has proven highly effective for me because I am a voracious reader. I tend to read books primary about personal development and achievement. I found my appetite waning on that front and realized it was because the menu had gotten too closely aligned only to my work. I missed fiction. I started incorporating great story telling back into the mix and now those books are in fact a break for me. I immerse myself in the story and come back to my own refreshed.

These are just five things to consider. There are dozens more. Even thinking about what to do with your breaks can become part of the mix. Make this fun. Make this about you, about stepping into a moment that washes over you and leaves you refreshed.

Live today like you want tomorrow to be.

Live well. Take your break today!

 

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , , ,

What is your Mount Everest?

April 11, 2015 By

Belief before actionWhat we believe is the most powerful lens in the world.  It goes beyond any technology man has ever developed.  It filters out, distorts, sharpens, softens and expands.  In order to understand anything about ourselves and empower our future it is paramount that we begin the conversation here.

In the words of Henry David Thoreau, “It doesn’t matter what you look at. It matters what you see.”  Your beliefs create your vision.  They determine what you see.  What do you believe? Unsure? Think about what you see.

Your belief system is your window to the world.  If your mind is closed to something, the window is closed and you are missing everything out there – not just one part of it.  If you allow every thought and influence that you encounter to influence your beliefs, it is like every piece of dust and debris staying on your window.  You have to see “through” everything to get to whatever sliver of truth you can discern.  What is distorting, distracting and even shielding your view?

What we believe we are capable of doing is the single most important influence on what we try to do.  No matter how badly you want something, the probability of you achieving your desire is going to be equally proportionate to your belief in whether you can achieve it.  Desire is not enough.  To achieve the right answer, belief must be part of the equation.

Named by Time magazine as one of the 100 most influential people of the 20th century, Sir Edmund Hillary had this offering on the subject after being one of the first to reach the summit of Mount Everest:  “It was not the mountain we conquered, but ourselves.” Each of us at some point, perhaps even now faces our own Mount Everest. Each of us will need to conquer our own disbelief before we can reach the summit.

Wayne Dyer, a contemporary thought leader shares this: “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”  It is also true that if you change the things you look at, it will change the way you look at things. The key is that everything about us generates from our belief system and it defines what we see and how we perceive it.

What is powerful about that statement is that it reveals another truth about beliefs. They are not just a lens.  They are also a magnet.  What we believe draws us to thoughts, ideas and even people.  The inverse is also true.  What we believe attracts thoughts, ideas and people to us.

No discussion on the topic would be complete without considering Henry Ford who had more than a few naysayers in his world. It was his unwavering belief in his idea about how a transport vehicle could be powered that resulted in perhaps one of the greatest innovations of at least my generation. Here’s what he said when everything told him it couldn’t be done: “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” I’m certainly glad he believed he could. And that he did.

Live today like you want tomorrow to be.

Live (Believe) well.

 

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,
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