For those times when you just want to quit!

August 1, 2023 By

Have you ever noticed that accomplished people seem to have an uncanny ability to adapt and adjust in just the right places at just the right time? They seem to fluidly keep on keeping on without losing a step.

Since I quite often have to actively convince myself to keep going on some of my goals, the apparent ease of others intrigued me. The reality is that no matter how easy it may look for others, it is, in fact, a universal challenge. The key is in how we face those times when we simply want to quit.

What I’ve discovered is that there are two important and vastly different lenses when looking at these situations.

The first lens is that sometimes it’s okay to give ourselves permission to quit. Surprised? It really is okay sometimes to acknowledge we need to make another choice. It isn’t a choice if we can’t change our minds. And sometimes changing our mind is more than just our prerogative, it is imperative. Personal development expert Brian Tracy defines this as zero-based thinking. We ask ourselves: “Knowing what I know now, would I still…?” Then take the appropriate action if the answer is no. We have to allow for change.

The second lens is about finding our own motivation to keep going and not requiring ourselves to take on an approach that doesn’t work for us. Motivation and methods that work are unique for each of us, and they also change for us as we move through our lives. And even when you have that perfect motivation, it doesn’t mean that “keeping on” is always easy. Sometimes it is just hard. But we can do it!

Here are five things to consider when you need to regain your confidence and perseverance power to stay engaged and reach your next goal or level of life mastery:

#1: Keep your eye on the finish line

What is waiting for you at the end? What is that promise? When we stay focused on the end goal, it has a magnetic quality that will help pull us through tough times and circumstances. Remember, though, that it isn’t just about the goal — it’s what reaching that goal makes possible. Capture the feeling and lock onto that.

#2: Fuel (feed) your fire

Mother Teresa taught: “To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.”

How are you keeping your commitment vital and alive? What are you feeding to your internal energy furnace? Are you connected with others who have already reached the place you are striving to get to? Are you surrounding yourself with support and positive connections?

#3: Focus on consistent steps — not leaps & bounds

What we do consistently has a much higher impact on our results than what we do occasionally. The stream must be constantly moving to wear down the rock. When you are consistently working on something, you will attract even more opportunities. Use progressive milestones to help with this. No one goes from the white belt level to black without attaining each color in between. And each level achieved is a celebration.

#4: Make everything serve the goal

This is not just fortune cookie wisdom. Determined focus is what delivers destiny. That means you must bind together all your resources and deploy them as a single force of power. This is the secret revealed by Napoleon Hill in Think and Grow Rich. Get everything working in harmony with the same result, and you will get there.

#5: Don’t be afraid of setbacks

What scares you? For most of us, it is failure. To move past the fear, we just need to redefine failure. Failure is rarely a valid judgment. Your plan is going to change. That is not failure. That is intelligence at work. Define attempt as research. It is welcome progress. Embrace that thinking and you will re-channel the fear and stay on track.

Be strategic about choosing and staying your course. And always, live today like you want tomorrow to be. Choices get really clear when we start there.

Filed Under: Adjusted Sails, Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Resilience Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Have you considered the gifts of change?

June 19, 2023 By

The value of any disruptive change is whatever we choose it to be.

Does it, in fact, matter? How could it be helpful? Does it cause concern? Does it include joy?

In other words, are we happy about it? Sad? Angry? Afraid?

These are natural and normal responses.

The key is recognizing they are also choices.

However, choice is not where our response begins.

Our attitude toward change shows up long before the choice is made and, to some degree, dictates the outcome.

In his book, Jumpstart Your Thinking, recognized leadership expert Dr. John C. Maxwell offers that our attitude acts like the “advance person” of our true selves. In other words, it shows up before we do, long before the main event. Over time it becomes almost instinctive. Because of that, every choice we make begins here.

It would seem then that this is an important concept to focus on when we consider where we want to grow. Do we have an attitude about change that is preempting its value?

If that is true, how do we change our attitude toward change? In the same writings, Dr. Maxwell offers this commentary about the role it plays: “It is the librarian of our past, the speaker of our present, and the prophet of our future.”  This statement holds the key. If our attitude is the speaker of our present, to change our attitude, it would seem to mean we must first change how we speak about it.

Let’s start by considering what is on the other side of change – what gifts it brings and will leave in its wake.

#1- New People

Our lives expand based on the growth we allow in our inner circles. Every new relationship represents growth which is just another label for change. What are you encountering just now? What new connections are waiting there? Every best friend was once a stranger. Every business partner was once unknown to us. Change brings new ideas from new minds and new people.

#2- New Places

As a writer, place has been somewhat of a conundrum for me. We like the comfort of our “creative space” and can even begin to rely on its trappings. That was certainly the case for me. But when the creative flow stalls, quite often, it is a change of place that allows it to begin streaming again. Once I realized that going to new places was a core fuel for inspiration, my attitude toward them shifted. But it’s not just about our craft. We need to experience new places to see life from a different lens.  Robin Sharma teaches that “The value of travel is not just the travel but what the travel makes of you.” Whether your travel is across town, across the country, or around the world – seek out a new lens on your life and work based on what you experience there.

#3- New Skills

Perhaps the most compelling gift of change is arguably this:  Change always brings something new to learn. That can be a daunting roadblock if we are afraid we may not be able to acquire that skill. As with people, recognizing that everything we know at some point was unknown to us can turn the dial of our attitude up. Everything we can do today, at some point, we did not know how to do. And with new skills come new opportunities.

#4- New Ideas

Change is a wonderful stimulus. What we consider (or reject) changes based on new information. We find that we have greater agility for transferring knowledge and skills. We are able to cross-pollinate our understanding of how we work best. The words of Marcel Proust come to mind for this point: “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.” Even what is familiar can take on new life and new breath when we allow change to adjust our lens and spark a new perspective.

#5- New Possibilities

This is my favorite because it’s the culmination of everything else. It’s the pinnacle of success when it comes to real change. When we integrate new people, places, skills, and ideas into our strategies, the possibilities exponentially grow.

We can change our relationship with change by changing our attitude toward it. We change our attitude by changing our perspective and how we view it, how we speak about it. What new people can I meet and serve? What new places can I experience? What new skills can I acquire and master? What new ideas can this generate? How does this expand the possibilities for my life and work?

In summary: What does this make possible? Once we embrace that question, we begin to master the power of true resiliency.

Live today like you want tomorrow to be. Live (change) well.

Filed Under: Adjusted Sails, Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Resilience, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Resilience: Asking the other question….

March 15, 2023 By

Recently, I have found my focus shifting more strategically to what is next as I consider plans and priorities.

Perhaps you find yourself here as well.

A productive practice to consider is integrating what I call the other question into our thought processes. I’m always intrigued by inverse statements and questions. There is always another one there.

What we are considering is a fundamental practice for experiencing the full range of possibility thinking. We must be able to consider every side of our choices.

In my work as a strategist over the years, this has proven to be what has made the difference between goals and objectives that are reached with greater ease and those that create struggles or even get lost along the way.

There is always another question to consider. The other question is also what quite often delivers us the more significant return.

Questions that drive insight are the ones that move us forward.

Here are three to consider that will help you develop a possibilitarian point of view that leads to creative resilience:

What is the real change I want to achieve?

Know your true objective. Keep asking until you find it. There are several schools of thought on how many layers of questions to ask. For each answer, you ask why that is important. My experience has taught me that we get to the true answer somewhere between questions five and seven.

I want to achieve X.  Why? Because XX.

Why do you want XX? Because XXX.

Why do you want XXX? Because XXXX.

Why do you want XXXX?

Because V!

You cannot stay on track if you don’t know where you really want to go. We want to get to the core value being served by taking on the work. I recently went through this practice again about my values around health. It’s the most powerful exercise we can do to get to the truth about what we want to achieve. Of note is that sometimes this exercise helps us identify what we can stop trying to accomplish because our underlying reason isn’t of any real value. But in most cases, we get to our true motivation.

The more you practice this, the faster you will reach your core value. Resiliency is a natural result when we keep our core values at the forefront because we do not look at a circumstance without context. We examine everything against how it can serve what matters most in our lives and work.

What options am I avoiding?

This is crucial because, quite often, what we refuse to consider is our best choice. We all have non-negotiable positions. That’s not what this is about. It’s about what we might be afraid to try or think isn’t possible for us. It’s about removing limitations and not compromising boundaries. When we practice a resilient lifestyle, how we perceive things will change, and what we never considered before can move front and center.

It’s also about tackling resistance head-on.

What is important is that we exhaust every possibility without limiting ourselves to probabilities or what we think we want to do.

What am I missing?

Where are the blind spots? What aren’t we considering that needs to be addressed? What are the risks? If you know them, you can mitigate them from the start or, at a minimum, have a plan in place to address them should they happen. If you do not know the risks, you have not fully defined what you want. If this is a challenging area for you, start with your assumptions. Your risks will be in your assumptions. What are you assuming to be true? What if it is not? What are you assuming is not true? What if it is?

One of the many gifts I received from my iPEC family, where I studied for my certification as an Executive Life Coach, was a very special stone. I’ve had it for many years, and it stays with me as a talisman when I’m thinking through something challenging.

The word problem has been engraved on one side, covering the entire surface. On the other side is the word solution. The solution resides within the problem itself. We must examine it from all sides to find it, but it is there. The other question is what will take us to the other side.

Filed Under: Adjusted Sails, Personal thoughts & insights, Possibilities & Perspective, Resilience, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

What would you do? Setting the right response in motion

March 8, 2023 By

A key lesson that I have learned over the past few years is that the easiest way to change how we respond to things or people we encounter is to have a system in place to help us. Frustration grows when it just seems like someone or something pushes our buttons every time. That trigger is going to continue to plague us until we change it. While it’s great when we can do that just by choosing to make that change, the reality is that it’s rarely that simple.

My experience has been that it really comes to down to sleuthing, solving the mystery, evaluating vs. judging. You see, that’s where I found the real issue. We can get so busy judging ourselves for our reaction, we don’t allow ourselves the opportunity to understand it. When we understand it, we are equipped to change it in a meaningful and sustainable way.

What you give meaning to is what causes your emotion. Before you react know why you are giving something so much energy or fear. When you begin to understand why you give things meaning you can begin to change how you react and why you do what you do.  ~Shannon L. Alder

There are five key investigation tools to use that will help you master the art of reaction every time. Using the word REACT, let’s break them down.

R – Recognition

This is the first step. Simply recognizing it’s happening and taking responsibility for it. Just by asking ourselves if in fact we are reacting, we start a valuable chain reaction shift. We are taking responsibility for our side of the equation.

E – Emotion

Emotions are wonderful. They are such a part of what makes life such an exquisite experience. But they can also derail us when they are part of a triggered response. In my early training as an executive coach we broke this down into another acronym – FLAGS. We use that to identify the dominant emotion in our response. Fear, Love, Anger, Guilt or Sadness. FLAGS. Once we can pinpoint the emotion that’s involved we can begin to determine where the core response and put productive measures in place to handle it. If the trigger brings up guilt as an example, that’s very different from fear in terms of next steps. But in both cases, it is the initial recognition of the emotion that will lead us to the next right questions.

A – Attitude

What did you expect? Where are your sensitivities? Many years ago, when I was really struggling communicating with a fellow executive, I had a conversation with a trusted friend and mentor. He suggested that my sensitivities were high and that I was expecting a certain action and so that is what I saw.  My attitude was a conditioning agent. I had to first be open to a positive exchange before one could happen.  Being candid with ourselves about our expectations and attitude toward a person or situation is a critical part of our excavation to our solution.

C – Context

This was perhaps the most important element for me in a number of situations. Has someone ever asked you what a word meant and you weren’t certain or there were several possibilities? What do you normally ask them to do? I suspect it might be to ask them to use it in a sentence to help you better understand what it might mean. The context of anything is the ultimate lens for deciphering it’s meaning. What else is going on? Is it related? Not related? Is it influencing? One example might be that you’ve had a pretty long day and you’re physically exhausted. You’re tired. Does that seem to be a factor in some cases? Or perhaps there was an incident just prior that left some unresolved emotions that are spilling over.

T – Truth

What do you know to be true? This is an essential question because it allows us to get to the taproot of the situation quickly. When we take assumptions off the table or at least recognize them for what they are, we’re in fact clearing judgments and other potential mental or emotional clutter in reviewing our next steps.

R-E-A-C-T

RECOGNIZE what is happening;

Identify the dominant EMOTION;

Check your ATTITUDE coming into the situation;

Consider the CONTEXT of the situation; and,

Focus on what is TRUE.

That’s the process. That’s the system. Like anything regarding our personal framework, it’s also a skill. This can be your most effective system for productive personal change.

As a final note, remember that as we change ourselves, we are also creating the opportunity to change other people’s perspective of us as well. That’s especially true for those where we have influence but it’s also not limited there. When we employ this skill, we can inspire others to do the same. It creates a CHAIN REACTION that’s positive and constructive.

Live (react) today like you want tomorrow to be. Live (react) well.

 

Filed Under: Adjusted Sails, Possibilities & Perspective, Resilience, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Resiliency: Creating perspective with gratitude

February 2, 2023 By

Nothing challenges our beliefs like pain.

Whether physical, mental or emotional, when pain strikes, all bets are off when it comes to what we might have expected in our responses.

That is why it’s crucial for us to have a tool to create context and perspective for those moments.

That tool is gratitude.

You cannot be stressed and genuinely grateful at the same time. You cannot be angry and grateful at the same time. They are counter-intuitive emotions.

It can be hard to find gratitude when your world seems to be crumbling. And it’s maddening when others tell you about the silver lining in your cloud; or that there’s a purpose to everything. We know that of course. But at that moment, that’s not what we need to hear. What we feel in that moment is that nothing matters except the moment and its pain.

The most helpful thing we can do is to contain the moment and gain some perspective, even distance from the pain.

The fastest path to that wisdom is gratitude. This is not about being grateful for the pain. In fact, sometimes it’s about anything but the pain. Sometimes we need to rest the eyes of our soul for a moment. We need a life lens that takes away the harsh painful glare. Simple gratitude can do that for us.

However, I know from personal experience that gratitude will not always come naturally. It too is a skill that must be honed and developed. It is also one of the most vital prerequisites for resilience.

If we are not grateful we will not see the point in creating good. In the end, that’s what gratitude is really about – finding the good.

It may not be about everything in the moment, but it can be about something.

I remember during some dark days when it took all of my strength just to get through the day that the corner of light was always there because of gratitude. It was my diversion from pain to peace. Even if just for a moment, it immersed me in something outside of the pain.

Taking time to seek the good and be grateful begins to balance the scales.

It was during these days that I began a life practice that still sustains me now and that is my gratitude journal. Each day I express gratitude. A journal is a natural expression for me as a writer. It can take many forms but once we develop this life practice the skill becomes a part of us and something very special begins to happen.

We begin to seek the good in everything. We search for those reminders and we find them. After all, whatever it is we seek, that is what we find.

This is what begins to establish a life that is centered around gratitude as a core value. It takes us beyond the moment and into a deeper and richer experience of life. When someone asks how I am able to see possibilities where others may not, it usually comes back to this. When we begin to seek the good, we begin to find it. Not only in those days and times as an antidote to pain, but everyday and how we see our world overall.

Our thoughts are like magnets. When they are about what is good, that will be what we attract. Even when on the surface, we may not see it. The good is there. And we will find it. That’s the power of gratitude. It changes our perspective about pain but even more, it changes our perspective about life.

Live today like you want tomorrow to be. Live well.

 

Filed Under: Adjusted Sails, Possibilities & Perspective, Resilience, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , , ,
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