Feeling Stuck? 9 Questions That Can Help

January 31, 2014 By

Ideas DirectionThere are times we want to move forward on an important goal but for some reason we just can’t seem to get started.  We want to take the first step but something is holding us back.  When we find ourselves in that situation, it can be useful to have a checklist of questions designed to help find the one log that is jamming our stream of action.

Here are some questions that have proven very effective.  Use them to self-coach your way out of “stuck” and onward to success!

The first step is to identify the place in your life where you are feeling stuck.  Remember, as with any coaching tool, the more specific you are the more powerful the exercise will be. Then get started!

  1. Are you crystal clear about what you want?
    • Sometimes we don’t know the first step because we don’t have a clear direction.
  2. What have you done so far?
    • There’s an assumption that if you’re “stuck” that you started.  If you haven’t started, go back to the first question!
  3. If you started and stopped, why did you stop?
    • This is a key step.  Did other priorities take over? Did you get overwhelmed? Examine why you stopped because if you know that and can deal with that, you will re-start with greater ease and be better prepared to prevent getting stuck again.
  4. What is one thing you know you can do today to move forward?
    • There is always something.  It can and should be a small step.  Those are the most effective.  And you will know what it is.
  5. Who has already done what you want to do?
    • Having an example to follow can save you time and give you a clear starting point. Just make certain they have actually done what you want to do.
  6. How did they do it?
    • Do your research! If you can, interview them.  Find out what they did FIRST!
  7. What resources (skills, contacts, tools) do you have that can help move you forward?
    • Have you taken inventory of everything at your disposal? Have you taken advantage of it?
  8. What options haven’t you considered?  Why not?  Even the impossible ones!
    • There are always one or two options that we immediately dismiss out of hand.  Go back and look at those options.  Make sure that if you believe they won’t work you ask yourself why.  What if it could work? What would my next step be. Quite often we find they will work.
  9. What decision have you been avoiding?
    • It’s last on the list because if you’ve gotten this far, somewhere there was a decision to be made that you avoided.  What is that decision? Why are you avoiding it? What can you do to give yourself permission to make it?

Somewhere in these nine questions you are going to find the one thing that is the ideal “unstuck” remedy for you.  And once you tackle that one – the rest are going to fall away and you will once again be on your way!

Each of us gets “stuck” for different reasons in different situations.  There have been times that I know I didn’t move forward because I was not willing to let go of something in order to move forward.  That might be a discovery at #3, #8 or even #9. But eventually I got to the root cause and you can, too.

#8 can bring about very new possibilities.  Ideas are sometimes not considered because they failed in the past or just seemed like too great a risk.  But times change and so do we.  Just because something failed in the past does not mean it will fail now. One of my clients had applied for a business loan years before and was turned down and was not even considering a small business loan for a new venture idea.  When we talked about what had changed since the original loan was declined and even talked about why the original loan was declined it was clear that the situations were very different.  She applied and was funded!  It’s an important step.

My personal favorite in discovery sessions is often #7.  We have these hidden gems in our life.  Talents, knowledge, people – so many resources! So often we don’t look at our own arsenal of options.  We focus on what is missing instead of what is ALREADY THERE!

So here’s my challenge to you:  Take stock of where you are in every area of your life.  Where are you not moving forward?  Focus there and go through these questions.  Amaze yourself!  Because you were born to be amazing! And if you’re ready for a possibility partner, let me know! We are here to help.

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , ,

6 Ways to Leverage the Past Without Living There

January 30, 2014 By

iStock_000005283419XSmallJanuary is almost behind us.  Has it flown by for you?  That has been the case for me this year. It seems as though it was just a blink ago that I was sharing the holidays with my daughter and her family in Oklahoma.  And some days it seems like just a blink ago that I was sharing the holidays with her as a young girl here at home. On days like today where the rush of time passing gives me pause, I am reminded of the value in looking back even as we live in the present.

This is one of those subjects where then can be some pesky “fine lines”.  There are endless debates and writing on looking forward vs. looking back almost making them seem mutually exclusive of each other.

Like me, you have no doubt seen the many social media posts that talk about the “good old days” with a bit of a nostalgic, even bittersweet angst.  Those images can appeal to the sentimental yearnings of our nature.  However, they can also distort our perspective and set us up to somehow pit the “old days” against the “new days” in some sort of bizarre competitive dance.

One that I found amusing recently had a picture of an old hand crank operating wringer washing machine.  Since that was something I actually used one summer I spent with a Great Aunt and Uncle, I could say I definitely remember that one! But I certainly don’t want to trade the multi-everything version I have today that allows me to multi-task laundry with just about anything else I do.  Anymore than I want my old typewriter back. I enjoy the luxuries of modern tools!

On the flip side, we also see many messages directing us to turn from the past.  After all, we don’t live there anymore.  We are encouraged to stop looking back at all and to only look forward.

So which is right?  When we face these kinds of questions, it is where we can miss the opportunity to gain the best we can from every part of our life.  We want to make things “either or”.  But the truth is that there are very few times when we have to choose, or at the very least, we don’t have to choose exclusively.  It is about perspective.

There is a difference between looking to the past and living in the past.  Let that sink in a moment.  We can look to the past without living there.  That means the richness of the past can continue to serve even as we move to the future and all of the new opportunities afforded to us.

Here are six ways looking back can clearly serve us.  Using this as a checklist, we can keep things in the right perspective.

The first three focus on others from the past.  These can be those from our personal circle or legacies from a broader stage.

-To honor those that made a difference in the world and our lives

-To learn from the experiences of those that traveled this path before us

-To be inspired by the example of others that faced relatable challenges

Here in the USA, we all pause on September 11th and remember those that showed the world the face of courage.  Each year we honor our veterans.  Several of our holidays focus on specific figures from a shared history.  Think for a moment about the popularity of quotes from historical figures.  We pay attention to the wisdom expressed because we acknowledge the legacy of the speaker.

The next three focus on our personal experience.

-To see how far we have come.

Sometimes the road ahead can shrink just by looking at the road behind.  This can be a highly motivating use of looking back.  Even if we haven’t come as far as we’d like, that can be motivating as well.  It’s a check-point practice.

-To leverage knowledge from a previous experience.

We want to repeat solutions that worked.  And avoid those that did not.  When we are faced with a challenge, it is productive to think back to another time when we were faced with something similar and came through.  What did we do?  What can we use in this situation?  This can also boost our self-confidence and allow us to handle challenges with more agility because we’ve mentally already overcome them simply by remembering past victories or knowing what pitfalls to avoid.

-To give ourselves the opportunity to change our perspective.

Sometimes in life, particularly where there has been some pain, it can greatly distort our perspective about a person, an exchange or an event.  Distance can be a great leveling period that allows us to diffuse the more acute emotional responses and see things with a clearer mind.  That allows us to change our own perspective and hopefully, be open to learn, to forgive (ourselves or others) and to build on a stronger layer of understanding and empathy for others.

Three based on others.  Three based on ourselves.

Begin today.  Look to the past.  Embrace it.  Leverage it.  But don’t live there.  Use it to make a better tomorrow:  For yourself, your family, your community and ultimately, our world.

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , ,

Want to change your day? Here’s how..

January 28, 2014 By

Happy And Sad Smileys Showing EmotionsHave you smiled today? One of the best ways to change your day is to change your mood.  And one of the easiest ways to do that is very simple: Just smile!

Go ahead – smile.  Relax into it.  Let the act of smiling wash over you.

If you struggle with this, try asking yourself one of these questions (or come up with one of your own):

 

→ What word makes me smile?  (You will think of one – then think about that word and smile!)

→ What person makes me smile? (You will think of someone – think about them and smile!)

→ What music makes me smile (You will have a favorite – play it back and smile!)

→ What place makes me smile (We all have a place – remember yours and smile!)

One of those questions is going to bring a thought to mind that will inspire your smile.  Hold that thought as you relax into the smile.

Here’s what will happen when you do:

🙂 Your stress level will go down (and so will your blood pressure!).

🙂 You will live longer (studies prove it…).

🙂 Your health will improve (more studies prove this…) and your immune system will work better.

🙂 You will simply feel better (studies show that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers and serotonin).

🙂 You will stand out from the crowd (nothing is more magnetic than a smile).

🙂 People are going to smile back!  It is one of the most contagious expressions that exists and you can change their day as you’re changing your own.

So go ahead – make your day (and mine!): Smile!

Filed Under: Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , ,

How do you see yourself? You might need to break the mirror..

January 24, 2014 By

Broken MirrorPerspective is a powerful thing.  The key to understanding just how powerful is knowing that we do not see what is there.  We see what we expect to be there.  This is also true about ourselves.  We do not see who we really are.  We see who we expect ourselves to be.  And those expectations create our perspective about everything.

Think about a trip to the fun house and going through the House of Mirrors.  When you see yourself in those mirrors, you know it isn’t who you really are.  And yet that is still who you appear to be.  The fact is, many of us see a distorted image of ourselves just like in the fun house mirrors rather than our true selves. And it changes how we see everything about our possibilities.

Where that distorted sense of self comes from is different for all of us.  But no matter what is at its root, there is only one way to change it.  We need a new mirror.  A true mirror.  A mirror that shows us who we really are.  That takes courage.  We have to be willing to let go of the fun house reflection in order to get to what is real and true.

So the next time you think that you are not enough or that you are too much, check for a fun house mirror. Because it’s there. And there is nothing fun about it.  It’s okay to break that mirror.  No bad luck involved.  In fact, just the opposite.

Breaking that mirror will mean you will see a new mirror.  A mirror that will clearly reflect the best of you and your possibilities. That’s the mirror to keep.

 

Filed Under: Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , ,

The best laid plans…

January 21, 2014 By

Cancelled Flights Departures BoardIt is not enough to know ourselves.

We need to be compelled to develop our personal best by practicing life skills that in changing us change our interactions and influence in the world in a meaningful way.

After all, those best laid plans are just that, only plans.  It is in the execution that we discover and enjoy the best experience.

When we master life skills within our daily practices that allow us to cope with disruptions and detours we are laying a firm foundation for personal success.  A key word reference in that statement is skills.  True skill (mastery) develops when we practice something relentlessly in order to do it well.  Coping skills are no different.

Let’s consider some questions and situations to bring focus to this:

How resourceful are you when something does not work as planned in your day?  Someone does not show up for a meeting.  You burn dinner.  Your printer won’t print.  How do you put that “new found time” to work? How do you transform disappointment and frustration into something else? How do you change gears and get the job done another way?

How value sensitive are you when disruptions come that matter more than what you had planned? A child needs your attention. Are you able to see beyond an interruption to need? A friend calls and needs your shoulder. Can you balance values and time? A colleague needs your help. Are you able to serve first?

How agile are you in shifting your mental focus?  Are you mentally and physically present? Does the disruption feel more like a distraction? To you? To the other person?

How resilient are you in getting back on track?  The alarm didn’t work and now you’re late. How do you handle it? That phone call with a friend took an hour of your time. How do you re-enter the planned schedule?

These are all life skills that are formed in our day to day encounters and experience. How we handle these scenarios is a preview of how we’ll handle the more significant disruptions.  Our life will go the way that our days go.

When you think about the last few days, focus in one 3 or 4 moments when one of the above situations or something like them happened.  Replay that situation as a mind movie and consider how you could have improved or enhanced the outcome. Determine how you can be mindful of those options when the situation reoccurs (because it will!).

As we wrap for today, here are some thoughts from a few people with experience in life’s coping skills to inspire and help you in your quest.

“In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.”  -Eleanor Roosevelt

 “Skill to do comes of doing.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

 “It’s not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what’s required.” -Winston Churchill

Filed Under: Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , ,

How to finally get (and stay) free of life’s “dust collectors”

January 17, 2014 By

Time For Organize, Business Concept.One year ago I began what initially felt like a herculean task to bring order to my home and office.  I was determined that every room, every closet, every shelf, every cabinet, every drawer would be cleared-out of anything and everything that did not need to be there. I was determined to free myself from clutter. All kinds.

In addition to the undertaking to create order, I also set a goal for myself to give away or donate at least one box or bag of items every week for the first six months.  It was my desire to create an incentive to be less attached to things and to create more breathing space in my environment.

Clean-up and clear-out. And it worked. At first.

Somewhere along the way it stopped working. Why? It stopped because I did.  I considered it temporary work.  It was a project with a definite beginning and a definite end.  That meant it was really just temporary behavior. I never created a commitment to a routine, only to a project.

I can’t argue that I did make great progress.  There is no question that where I am now vs. a year ago is improved. I can argue that I didn’t really change.  Because where I am vs. six months ago is not improved. That is the issue. And six months from now, I will be right back where I was a year ago unless I do change.

This is an example of why we need to look at our daily behaviors when we really want to effect permanent change.  This year I am taking a different approach.  This time my focus is on my daily schedule and putting an organization activity on my agenda every day. That allows me to activate several over the course of a week and a more significant number each month. It also keeps me cycled (and recycled) every month so that the actual work is less. The piles are less daunting, the lists are shorter.  I am not starting a project. I am creating better habits.

Imagine spending just 15 minutes a day over the next 30 days focused on clearing something out.  Then create a list of everywhere that you know requires continuous monitoring and start there. A few ideas to consider (from my list..) might be your e-mail in-box and other folders; your postal service mail baskets and personal papers/bills; your business filing and paperwork; your pantry; your refrigerator; cleaning supplies, and, yes, that infamous junk drawer that we all have.  These are not “once and done” places.  And there are other things to consider.  These are the “dust collectors” that we have to stay on top of to keep a healthy and productive environment.

Change happens with ease when our mindset is open, our motivation is compelling and the method we’ve chosen is effective for us.  I had the right mindset and a compelling motivation.  But I chose a method that worked for other people but not for me.  That’s okay because sometimes (most times in fact) it takes a few tries to find the absolute best method.  Even when we find it, we also know it’s going to change over time because we are growing and changing as a person and our daily practices need to keep pace.

This weekend begins my new approach.  It feels very different.  Not herculean at all. In fact, it feels just right!  Daily practices are the key.  I am continually reminded that to have the “me” I want tomorrow I must live that “me” today.  To have the business I want tomorrow, I must practice that business today.  To have the order I want tomorrow, I must create that order today.  Every day.

Live today like you want tomorrow to be.

What one change in your living or working environment would you like to have in your future? How can you begin today to create it?  Are you ready? Let’s get started!

Filed Under: Personal thoughts & insights, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , ,
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