Power M&M’s: Motivation & Momentum

July 21, 2014 By

Motivation ConceptDeciding what you want, even how to get it is only part of getting you to where you want to be.  To be successful there is another element required: Knowing why we are doing what we plan to do.

Without understanding why – we will lack the motivation needed to sustain us through to success.  If we can’t keep going – we’ll soon stop going. Knowing why we are doing something is the glue that holds everything together.

How does motivation work? While there are many illustrations, it comes down to these 5 essential principals:

  1. Sometimes the work is hard. It’s really that simple. Sometimes the work is hard. And we need to be certain we can stick with it. Jim Rohn taught that when the promise is clear, the price is easy. When the price begins to get hard, the promise is what pulls us through.
  2. Sometimes the work takes time. The emotion of the moment when we committed to something can and will fade over time if we don’t bring it back, even if not at the same sensory level. I was recently reminded that there is very little that is action dependent that does not require some constancy, even daily re-commitment to that action. Whether it’s our health, money, work or relationships. Our motivation (why) is what creates the power we need to keep making the commitment over time.
  3. Sometimes the work needs to change. This is an important one to think about. Sometimes the method we choose to do something doesn’t bring us the result we wanted. That’s not failure. That’s experience. Without knowing why we were doing it in the first place, we don’t have the ultimate creative pool to work from for finding our next strategy and getting it in place. The why keeps us focused in the RIGHT direction, even if we change the vehicle we’re riding to reach the destination.
  4. Sometimes the work requires help. When we are clear about why we are doing something our enthusiasm and passion are evident and infectious. Others will not only respond to requests for help – they will volunteer! There is nothing more binding and bonding than a shared desire to transform something for good. Even if they don’t know, like and trust you yet, if your why is clear and they can align to that, it can actually be the catalyst for the best relationships.
  5. Sometimes the work requires a choice. This point goes beyond the first one where we talked about work being hard at times. This is about sacrifice. This is about choice. If you do THIS (something that honors your why) then you cannot do THAT (something you really want to do!). The promise being clear is still part of the rationale on this but it goes deeper because you are making a conscious choice to not only have something, but also to give something up. If the value equation isn’t clear, those choices can get very difficult.

Having the right motivation makes a difference getting started and staying started, because we can and will have more than one start along the way.

Choose one area of your life (health, finances, work, relationships, community) where you struggle staying on track with your goal and action settings. Go through a series of questions focused on the word why to get to your core reason for what you are doing. That is the promise. Don’t take your first response. Why? Because chances are fairly high that it is not your real reason. Don’t be surprised if it takes you a number of times to get to your true motivator. In the words of Pat Riley, “A champion needs a motivation above and beyond winning.” You’ll know you are there when you can take that reason and ask yourself these questions:

  1. Is this reason strong enough to keep me going when it’s hard?
  2. Is this reason strong enough to keep me going when this takes a long time?
  3. Is this reason strong enough to challenge me to always find a way?
  4. Is this reason strong enough to allow others to see the value in the work?
  5. Is this reason strong enough to support the right choices along the way, even when it means a sacrifice?

When you get to five yeses – you are there! More importantly, you know you’re going to be able to begin and experience the journey to go to your desired place of achievement with joy and ease.

Live well. Live today like you want tomorrow to be.

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , ,

Cleaning up our view: 4 Ways to Repair Your Lens

July 17, 2014 By

hand with window cleaning toolOften, when we’re looking for a breakthrough in our lives, we find that the magic moment isn’t generated based on getting something NEW.  Instead, the breakthrough happens more often based on getting to a place where we are willing to get go of something OLD.   That could be a belief about ourselves or others; negative emotions like guilt, blame, resentment or anger; or any other practice or influence within our daily life that is preventing us from moving forward.

Being stubborn about holding on to something that isn’t serving us may not be something we readily recognize in ourselves.  All too often we feel justified in our beliefs and feelings without even recognizing their cost.  If you think in terms of our personal perspectives as the window through which we see everything in our world it can get easier to see how hanging on is distorting our view.

Imagine that window to the world.  Now imagine that every feeling of anger, guilt, hurt, or resentment is like being in a car that is driving through mud puddles.  At first – you can barely see but eventually the water evaporates and you’re just left with the debris.  Some of it will blow away but what remains creates blind spots all over the windshield.  You no longer have a clear, unrestricted view of everything that is available to you.

We struggle letting go most often when it means we’re going to need to forgive or accept something about ourselves or others.  If you are facing this, here are some points for you to remember that may help make letting go an easier exercise:

  1. We often believe that we are punishing someone else with our hurt.  But the reality is that whatever we are holding onto – it’s most likely hurting us far more than the other person.  We’re allowing the cost to compound.  Stop investing where the interest is negative!
  2. It’s important to understand that acceptance or forgiveness does NOT mean condoning the act.  It just means we release ourselves from its continued burden of carrying it with us.  Reclaiming lost energy going to negative emotion is one of the best gifts we can give ourselves.
  3.  You don’t need to know how you’re going to let go.  This is really simple.  You just have to be willing to let go and make that decision.  You’re not going to change the past.  Even as we learn from it – it doesn’t change it.  So let it go.  That’s all you need to do.
  4. Whatever seems the most difficult for you to forget is probably what is hurting you the most.  Does this sound familiar?  I can forgive a lot of things, but I cannot forgive: ____!  Why not?  When we make it the most important part of our view, we allow everything in our world to be distorted by something that is going to continue to hurt us and ultimately those we serve.

A good exercise to go through is to ask what we need to release in terms of belief and emotion about ourselves (self-forgiveness is first!) and then others.  Then when we have our list, we can ask how we are benefiting ourselves by holding on to that belief or emotion.

The #1 answer to the question in group sessions has been that by hanging on (not forgetting!) we are somehow controlling it from happening again.  We need to ask ourselves if that is really true; because it’s not.  We need to shift our perspective and ask how we can learn from the experience and grow from it vs. letting it limit our future. So clear your view! And clear your way to a brighter future and richer life.

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Resilience, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , ,

3 Steps to a Healthy Mindset

July 9, 2014 By

Mindset sphereOver the course of my life I have invested thousands of hours researching how people are able to effectively grow and change.  After all, we know that success leaves clues and being able to grow is the most elemental change we can experience in our lives.

My study of success included hundreds of interviews, listening to recordings from thought leaders and reading scores of books written by experts on change and personal development.  It has also included observation within my own life and working with clients as a life coach.

My conclusion? Everything begins and ends with our mindset.

Earl Nightingale stated it this way:  “We become what we think about”.  Jim Rohn taught that before you can accomplish anything you must first believe it is possible and then believe it is possible for you.

One of William James’ most quoted lines is this: “The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.” And from the Bible in Mark 9:23: “If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.”

It’s clear that unless we believe, we are not going to achieve.

Given the importance of mindset, how do we proactively create one that is healthy and in tune with our vision and mission? I believe that there are three essential steps that make this possible.

Step 1:  Make peace with the past.   Here is where we usually trip up first.  We limit our future based on our past.  Our past is meant to prepare us for the future, not predict it.  In fact, some of the greatest achievers now and from history are those that have used challenges in their past to propel them to a better life.  We must make peace with our past.  The steps for that can vary but in essence, it involves achieving a state of grace through forgiveness of ourselves and others so that we can live from a place of gratitude.

Step 2:  Be honest about the present and take responsibility for it.  Personal responsibility is a significant factor for personal growth.  As long as we play the blame game, we are in fact imprisoning ourselves as a victim.  We live “at the mercy” of circumstances or other people.  Once we are honest about where we are and take responsibility for our life and everything in it, we are in actuality empowering ourselves to change it.

Step 3:  Act based on faith in the future.  It is not enough to have hope.  Hope means we “might” succeed. It’s enough to start, but it won’t be enough to finish.  Faith means we believe that we will.  It means we won’t accept anything less.

Three steps to a healthy mindset.  Sounds simple and yet it isn’t always easy.  Because we’ve had years of practice thinking the way we think now.  We’ve had years to let limiting beliefs and judgments cloud our vision.  But it’s where we must start.  We must set a new mindset.  A new expectation that we allow to become a core belief. 

Think about this for yourself.  In what area of your life would you most like to experience growth in the next 90 days?  What growth would you like to see?

Do you believe it’s possible?

Do you believe it’s possible for you?

Then you’re ready!  The first hurdle is behind you.  If not, I’d like to help.  Because you matter to me.  And your life matters to others as well, now and for many generations to follow.

Think well to live well.

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

3 Responses to Greener Grass

July 1, 2014 By

Green grass and earth BackgroundAn essential component of an effective personal development plan and strategy is surveying the “landscape” looking for growth opportunities.  We scan to find value we can integrate into our own lives and model for others.

But the truth is that most of us are doing this even apart from any strategy for personal growth.  It can be difficult to avoid what is around us when information is pushed at us from every direction using every available media and means.

So what happens when we measure ourselves based on what we see in others? It depends. This kind of comparative approach can serve us by pushing us to stretch ourselves, or limit us if we fail to recognize the good in what we already have or believe something is beyond our reach.

Like anything though, we need more than platitudes to create change.  We need to have a personal strategy that allows us to process information in a way that generates positive change for ourselves and, as a result, for others.

Here are three responses to consider when you stumble upon that “greener grass”:

  1. Remember that not everything is about you or for you.  Sometimes it is best to be the audience and congratulate the other gardener!
  2. Whenever you feel a response that has an edge of personal dissatisfaction in it, pause and name 10 blessings in your life.  Focus on your good.  Keep perspective.
  3. Remind yourself that there is NOTHING you cannot have if you are willing to pay the price.  The price is rarely $$’s.  It’s almost always about our daily life and the disciplines we honor.

Is the newest object of your desire worth the price?  If so – claim it.  If not, see option 1.

Final thought:  Remember that every time you see something that seems to be “greener” that there are others looking at you and seeing “greener”, too!

 

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , ,

Sometimes we need to live the question to get the answer

June 17, 2014 By

Rainer Maria Rilke was born in Prague.  The year was 1873.   He became one of the most noteworthy poets of his generation.  What was of interest to me was the fact that he was known for his time as the poet that was moving the work from more traditional writings to modern language.  The world it would seem has always been in some sort of transition.  Just as we are now.

Compass_Paper BoatI learned about Rilke after coming across a quote from him. It was one of those moments in time where you have to stop and soak it in.

So many of us in this “baby boomer” generation find ourselves in far more than the expected times of transition.  We find ourselves in uncharted waters, territory unfamiliar to us.  We too are finding a need to go from what we expected (the traditional) to a new reality (modern).

As determined as we may be to find answers, sometimes we need to stop for a moment or two before those can be revealed. Sometimes, Rilke suggests, we need to live in the question for a bit. And live our way into the answer.

“Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart

and try to love the questions themselves,

as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language.

Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now,

because you would not be able to live them.

And the point is to live everything. Live the question now.

Perhaps then, some day far in the future,

you will gradually without even noticing it,

live your way into the answer.”

– Rainer Maria Rilke

Words worth remembering.  Wisdom worth thinking about.

So simple.  So effective.

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Coaching Insight: The law of 2 out of 3

June 11, 2014 By

2 Out of 3Much of my corporate career focused on business systems development and information delivery.  A lesson I learned quite early from one of my favorite mentors was that the key to creating the right balance of stretch and reality for project commitments was to understand that when looking at the what, when and how much questions, we never actually get to define all three.  We really only get to define two out of the three.  We can decide which two are most important, but the third is always going to be determined by the other two.

It just didn’t seem plausible to me at first that you could tell someone that they could only have a say on two out of three of the parameters.  After all, the customer is still the customer and they get to say what they want to say.  Right? Wrong.  They only get to decide two out of the three.  They want to do X within time frame Y.  That means the cost is going to be Z.  Or they can say that they want to pay A and have it done within time frame B which in turn defines C (what will in fact get done).   And of course they could say that they want J to be done and they are willing to pay K which then creates L as the time frame possible.  It never failed in over 20 years of project scope definitions and commitments.  The law of two out of three.  You choose the two that are the most critical and the third gets set.  If the client didn’t like the third, they had to change one of the other two.

This law has been coming back to me quite a bit lately as I work on projects myself in my own life and business and am setting some targets to wrap up in the last half of 2014.   At first glance it would seem that the timing is set.  From now until the end of 2014.  That’s a clear time table.  So the next step is to look at the “list” of what I want to get done and the availability of resources (time & money) as what I’m willing to pay.  Because one is going to mandate the other.  Here’s where it can get interesting and we reveal more about what’s going on with us than we might see at the onset.

It really comes down to whether we are going to allow ourselves to be limited on the “what” or if we’re going to be willing to do “the thing” regardless of the cost.   In most cases, even when we say we will make that level of commitment, there is an unstated ceiling we’re working under.  Or at least that has been my experience personally and what I’ve observed professionally as a coach.  The reality is that the real constant is always what we’re willing to pay.  Until we really are willing to take that off the table as our criteria of choice and be prepared to truly commit whatever it takes the real choice is in results and timelines.  Because the law of two out of three does exist. Some food for thought as we all look ahead and make those choices.

 

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , ,
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