3 Responses to Greener Grass

July 1, 2014 By

Green grass and earth BackgroundAn essential component of an effective personal development plan and strategy is surveying the “landscape” looking for growth opportunities.  We scan to find value we can integrate into our own lives and model for others.

But the truth is that most of us are doing this even apart from any strategy for personal growth.  It can be difficult to avoid what is around us when information is pushed at us from every direction using every available media and means.

So what happens when we measure ourselves based on what we see in others? It depends. This kind of comparative approach can serve us by pushing us to stretch ourselves, or limit us if we fail to recognize the good in what we already have or believe something is beyond our reach.

Like anything though, we need more than platitudes to create change.  We need to have a personal strategy that allows us to process information in a way that generates positive change for ourselves and, as a result, for others.

Here are three responses to consider when you stumble upon that “greener grass”:

  1. Remember that not everything is about you or for you.  Sometimes it is best to be the audience and congratulate the other gardener!
  2. Whenever you feel a response that has an edge of personal dissatisfaction in it, pause and name 10 blessings in your life.  Focus on your good.  Keep perspective.
  3. Remind yourself that there is NOTHING you cannot have if you are willing to pay the price.  The price is rarely $$’s.  It’s almost always about our daily life and the disciplines we honor.

Is the newest object of your desire worth the price?  If so – claim it.  If not, see option 1.

Final thought:  Remember that every time you see something that seems to be “greener” that there are others looking at you and seeing “greener”, too!

 

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , ,

What happens in your “G” zone?

June 30, 2014 By

 

G zoneJune has been an electronics month at my house. Computers, laptops, tablets, smart phones – it seemed like all of them decided to revolt this past month for someone in my family. Researching what was available in today’s market turned into a much bigger project than I expected. Checking compatibility, connectivity, capacity – even the smallest of devices had to meet a pretty robust list of requirements.

Beyond all of that, the environment is also a factor in addition to portability for our increasingly mobile lives. How well will it operate when conditions aren’t ideal? And what is going to happen when in all of our rushing about through our day it slips from our grasp?

In the end, that seemed to be one of the most critical factors. Because we need something to work the way our lives work and to reliably function even when faced with unpredictable circumstances. This prompted some thoughts for me around how prepared we are ourselves to withstand the extremes and shocks of life. Our experiences have taught us to be prepared.

Just as the manufacturers of these devices have done, we need to look at the greatest risks and mitigate or counter them with a ready response.

Where are we at risk the most? For me that has proven to be similar again to what I found reviewing these devices. I am most at risk when there are external things going on that affect my personal space and I’m not prepared mentally, spiritually and emotionally to deal with them. The answer then is to be prepared. And to prepare in such a way that the response is automatic. No extra handling required.

The optimal response is something already built-in to how I function. If we can recognize a response, we can manage it and move it to something healthier and happier.  Whatever the trigger, the response can be one that serves us even as we serve others.

It is what I have come to think of as the “G” zone.  We have options here in this place. We can respond with Guilt, Grief or even Greed. Very human reactions in life. I take the blame, experience the loss and crave more. It is usually when life has thrown us a curve ball that these responses appear. Let’s face it – we cannot escape these. Not really. But we can learn to counter them so that within that “G” zone we can find our way through wiser and richer than when we entered.

Here is how:

When Guilt appears, counter with Grace.

“It is a hard thing to let go of mistakes we’ve made and sins. God wants us to do that because He knows the guilt and the condemnation will keep us from becoming who He has created us to be.” (Joel Osteen)

When Grief appears, counter with Gratitude.

“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.” (Abraham Lincoln)

When Greed appears, counter with Generosity.

“You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want.” (Zig Ziglar)

How well we manage our “G” zone will directly impact it’s long term affect. Its presence is a gift because it is there that we grow to know ourselves at our worst and at our best. We can emerge bringing grace, gratitude and generosity to the world.

Live well.

 

Filed Under: Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Sometimes we need to live the question to get the answer

June 17, 2014 By

Rainer Maria Rilke was born in Prague.  The year was 1873.   He became one of the most noteworthy poets of his generation.  What was of interest to me was the fact that he was known for his time as the poet that was moving the work from more traditional writings to modern language.  The world it would seem has always been in some sort of transition.  Just as we are now.

Compass_Paper BoatI learned about Rilke after coming across a quote from him. It was one of those moments in time where you have to stop and soak it in.

So many of us in this “baby boomer” generation find ourselves in far more than the expected times of transition.  We find ourselves in uncharted waters, territory unfamiliar to us.  We too are finding a need to go from what we expected (the traditional) to a new reality (modern).

As determined as we may be to find answers, sometimes we need to stop for a moment or two before those can be revealed. Sometimes, Rilke suggests, we need to live in the question for a bit. And live our way into the answer.

“Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart

and try to love the questions themselves,

as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language.

Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now,

because you would not be able to live them.

And the point is to live everything. Live the question now.

Perhaps then, some day far in the future,

you will gradually without even noticing it,

live your way into the answer.”

– Rainer Maria Rilke

Words worth remembering.  Wisdom worth thinking about.

So simple.  So effective.

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Coaching Insight: The law of 2 out of 3

June 11, 2014 By

2 Out of 3Much of my corporate career focused on business systems development and information delivery.  A lesson I learned quite early from one of my favorite mentors was that the key to creating the right balance of stretch and reality for project commitments was to understand that when looking at the what, when and how much questions, we never actually get to define all three.  We really only get to define two out of the three.  We can decide which two are most important, but the third is always going to be determined by the other two.

It just didn’t seem plausible to me at first that you could tell someone that they could only have a say on two out of three of the parameters.  After all, the customer is still the customer and they get to say what they want to say.  Right? Wrong.  They only get to decide two out of the three.  They want to do X within time frame Y.  That means the cost is going to be Z.  Or they can say that they want to pay A and have it done within time frame B which in turn defines C (what will in fact get done).   And of course they could say that they want J to be done and they are willing to pay K which then creates L as the time frame possible.  It never failed in over 20 years of project scope definitions and commitments.  The law of two out of three.  You choose the two that are the most critical and the third gets set.  If the client didn’t like the third, they had to change one of the other two.

This law has been coming back to me quite a bit lately as I work on projects myself in my own life and business and am setting some targets to wrap up in the last half of 2014.   At first glance it would seem that the timing is set.  From now until the end of 2014.  That’s a clear time table.  So the next step is to look at the “list” of what I want to get done and the availability of resources (time & money) as what I’m willing to pay.  Because one is going to mandate the other.  Here’s where it can get interesting and we reveal more about what’s going on with us than we might see at the onset.

It really comes down to whether we are going to allow ourselves to be limited on the “what” or if we’re going to be willing to do “the thing” regardless of the cost.   In most cases, even when we say we will make that level of commitment, there is an unstated ceiling we’re working under.  Or at least that has been my experience personally and what I’ve observed professionally as a coach.  The reality is that the real constant is always what we’re willing to pay.  Until we really are willing to take that off the table as our criteria of choice and be prepared to truly commit whatever it takes the real choice is in results and timelines.  Because the law of two out of three does exist. Some food for thought as we all look ahead and make those choices.

 

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , ,

What happens at halfway?

June 3, 2014 By

JuneAs the calendar flipped over to June,  I began reviewing where I am so far this year on my intentions and goals for 2014. The halfway point is nearly here and that’s a critical point in any endeavor.

Here are three reasons the half-way point is a valuable milestone:

1)  We have more behind than ahead of us which can be an added push element.  For example, if I’m in a challenge to do something every day, week or month for a specific period of time, when the numbers completed are greater than those left to go, a successful finish becomes more real.

2)  If the obstacles have been great, the half-way mark can be where we throw up our hands and quit if our motivation isn’t strong enough to mandate an innovated approach to turning things around. Here is the power of hope in our quest. If we don’t require ourselves to believe with active faith, we will see the road ahead just like the road behind and discouragement can be our nemesis.

3)  If we’re ahead of our pace, the half-way mark can be where we up our game and make a commitment to a stronger finish. While this can be a great motivator and in many cases is exactly the right response, we also have to recognize that celebrating our progress and allowing it to be enough for the day is also part of building self-confidence for other goals as well.

Recently, I have been reflecting on what has made the most difference throughout history where there were significant shifts and change that has profoundly impacted us today.  It is clear that while the specifics were varied, the basic principles remained true.  The same initial three elements were in play: a vision, a decision and action.  The game changer though is in the fourth element:  Commitment.  You can substitute many words here such as discipline, resolve, perseverance even integrity. But it all comes down to the same thing. We must stay with it to finish it.

As we’re coming to the halfway point of 2014, here are some words of wisdom to inspire and motivate us on to success:

“It’s not enough to do our best; sometimes we have to do what’s required.” (Winston Churchill)

“It’s not what you are going to do, but it’s what you are doing now that counts.”  (Napoleon Hill)

“Success is the doing, not the getting; in the trying, not the triumph. Success is a personal standard, reaching for the highest that is in us, becoming all that we can be.” (Zig Ziglar)

And with the quotes, there is always a question in order to put them to work. Here is the one that I ask everyday:

“How am I going to live today in order to create the tomorrow I’m committed to?” (Tony Robbins)

 

 

 

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Success & Significance, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Coaching Insight: 3 Steps to a Healthy Mindset

May 20, 2014 By

Over the past few years I have invested thousands of hours into researching how people are able to effectively grow and change.  After all, we know that success leaves clues and being able to grow is the most elemental change we can experience in our lives. My research included hundreds of interviews, listening to recordings from thought leaders and reading scores of books written by experts on change and personal development.  It has also included observation within my own life and working with clients as a life coach. And what I have confirmed is that everything begins with our mindset.

Believe You Can You're Halfway There Words Saying QuoteEarl Nightingale stated it this way:  “We become what we think about”.  Jim Rohn taught that before you can accomplish anything you must first believe it is possible and then believe it is possible for you.

One of William James’ most quoted lines is this: “The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.” And from the Bible in Mark 9:23: “If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.”

It’s clear that unless we believe, we are not going to achieve.

Given the importance then of mindset, how do we proactively create one that is healthy and in tune with our vision and mission? I believe that there are three essential steps that make this possible.

Step 1:  Make peace with the past.   Here is where we usually trip up first.  We limit our future based on our past.  Our past is meant to prepare us for the future, not predict it.  In fact, some of the greatest achievers now and from history are those that have used challenges in their past to propel them to a better life.  We must make peace with our past.  The steps for that can vary but in essence, it involves achieving a state of grace through forgiveness of ourselves and others so that we can live from a place of gratitude.

Step 2:  Be honest about the present and take responsibility for it.  Personal responsibility is a significant factor for personal growth.  As long as we play the blame game, we are in fact imprisoning ourselves as a victim.  We live “at the mercy” of circumstances or other people.  Once we are honest about where we are and take responsibility for our life and everything in it, we are in actuality empowering ourselves to change it.

Step 3:  Act based on faith in the future.  It is not enough to have hope.  Hope means we “might” succeed. It’s enough to start, but it won’t be enough to finish.  Faith means we believe that we will.  It means we won’t accept anything less.

Three steps to a healthy mindset.  Sounds simple and yet it isn’t always easy.  Because we’ve had years of practice thinking the way we think now.  We’ve had years to let limiting beliefs and judgments cloud our vision.  But it’s where we must start.  We must set a new mindset.  A new expectation that we allow to become a core belief. 

Think about this for yourself.  In what area of your life would you most like to experience growth in the next 90 days?  What growth would you like to see?

Do you believe it’s possible?

Do you believe it’s possible for you?

Then you’re ready!  The first hurdle is behind you.  If not, I’d like to help.  Because you matter to me.  And your life matters to others as well, now and for many generations to follow.

Think well to live well.

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , ,
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