Do you know what your values are? Are you sure?

November 2, 2014 By

We all have our own value system that directs our thoughts and actions.  Some of those values are inherited, some are the result of significant experiences and some have developed over time from study and observation.  Jim Rohn, one of my early mentors, taught me that this is a key area for introspection and is at the heart of personal development.  I agree.  He taught it this way:  Make certain that whatever you (think, believe, do) is the product of your own conclusion. Be a student but not a follower.

When I first heard that statement it was one of those epiphany moments for me on my own journey.  I began re-examining much of my own core belief system.  It wasn’t that there was anything essentially or fundamentally wrong with what I said I believed – the problem was that I needed to understand and affirm why those were my beliefs.  And some of the beliefs changed.

Part of the changing had to do with how I defined values.  I have come to think of it as my philosophy of life.  We must be constantly growing and evolving in our philosophy.  But the essence of that is this:  Our philosophy is everything we know and have experienced (UP TO THIS POINT) boiled down to what we believe is important.  What matters.  It will show up in our actions – not just in our words.  And it will influence every decision we make.

Here’s an exercise that will help you see how to work through this for yourself:

Step 1:  Make a list of everything that is the essence of you – your talents, your abilities, your knowledge, anything valuable to you.  There isn’t a definite number for the list but make sure you’ve captured everything. Make sure that these are about you and your life experience.

Step 2:  Imagine that each of the items on your list are represented by coins in a bag that you carry.

Step 3:  Imagine that you have started on a trip going to a destination that is very important to you – in fact is the most important place you believe you will ever visit in your lifetime.

Step 4:  Now imagine that you have come to a door and there is a fee to pass through the door in order to continue on your journey.  The fee for entry?  30% of your coins.  You must decide first if you are willing to sacrifice any of your coins.  And, if so, which coins you are willing to sacrifice in order to continue on your journey.  What would you do? Which values would you release? Let’s assume you paid and continued…

Step 5:  Your journey resumes and you begin to notice that the load you carry is lighter.  Those coins don’t seem to be anything you miss.  Interesting. You’re pleased with your decision.

Step 6:  There’s another doorway ahead.  And there is another fee.  Just as before – you must sacrifice another 30% of the coins in order to continue.  That’s 60% of your attributes, talents and things you value that you will have given up to get to that ultimate goal.  Another decision.  Do you make the sacrifice?  If so, what are you willing to give up?  Once again, the pull is great, let’s assume you continue..

Step 7:  You start back on your journey but this time although the load is lighter, you begin to wonder what else might be in store.  But the prospect of getting to your destination is powerful.  And you continue on.

Step 8:  Up ahead you see another door and your anticipation has no bounds.  You just know this is it.  You have arrived.  But as you come to the door, the gatekeeper appears again and demands another 30%.  But that will only leave you with 10% of your coins. Only 10% of what you value will remain.  Are you willing to make that last sacrifice to get to the prize?

Far too many of us stop right here.  We believe that last sacrifice demands too much.  But what happens when we are willing?

Step 9:  You decide on the last 30%, make the sacrifice and you pass through the door.

Step 10:  You indeed have arrived.  But with only those valuables (values) that truly matter.  You are now free to move within that paradise destination unencumbered and uninhibited by all of the things collected over the years that in the grand scheme of things you realized were not important.

—————-

I go through this exercise now at least once a year. Why? Because my philosophy continues to change which means my values are changing.  That means that I need to adjust my sights to stay in alignment with my values.  I also check -in on that “dream destination” and make sure that my motivation levels are still strong and unwavering.

What is the value of values? If you don’t know what you value, you will always struggle because you will always be at the mercy of the values of others.  You cannot give what you do not have.  If you do not have values, you cannot give value.  Making decisions becomes almost impossible.  What basis do you use?

Knowing and protecting your values is a good starting place for change.  For growth.

When the glass is full – is there room for more?  Yes.  But only if you make room for it.

Live today like you want tomorrow to be.

 

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , ,

Live today like you want tomorrow to be

August 3, 2014 By

CompassThe title of today’s post has become my mantra over the past two years and forms the core of my coaching programs. I had always been goal oriented and personally driven, my eye to the future. That’s not a bad thing. Unfortunately though, it meant that I was always working toward something instead of being able to enjoy where I was in the process. Once I realized that the best tomorrows result from living them today my life became much richer.

I frequently check-in and re-affirm my connection and commitment to my personal manifesto that resulted from this shift in my centering. It is a reflection of my core values and the principles that guide my life.  As I’m continuing to enhance our coaching programs, I’ve been reminded again of the importance of having this level of personal awareness and commitment at the forefront.

  1. I aspire always to honor God in my thoughts, words and deeds.
  2. I have a responsibility to take care of myself and to live well.
  3. I am here to make a difference and enrich the lives of others.
  4. I recognize that what I do today is forming my tomorrow. I do not think about what might have been. I act on what will be.
  5. A curious nature is my most valuable trait. My most powerful tool for myself and others is the right question.
  6. I acknowledge that time is my ultimate resource. I do not try to manage my time. I set priorities and they determine how, where and why my time is invested.
  7. I do not think in terms of failure. I think in terms of effort and experience.
  8. I appreciate that a change of place is often the best way to change my perspective.
  9. Outside of universal laws, the only rules that apply to me are those that I have accepted. By accepting (or not accepting) any guidelines, I am also accepting responsibility for my choices.
  10. I understand that fear is not a bad thing. Fear is a healthy thing. It is the ultimate expression of respect for what I am undertaking.

No matter where we are in the journey, we must live today like we want tomorrow to be. It is in fact the only way to achieve it.

Live well. Live today.

 

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Personal thoughts & insights, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , ,

Power M&M’s: Motivation & Momentum

July 21, 2014 By

Motivation ConceptDeciding what you want, even how to get it is only part of getting you to where you want to be.  To be successful there is another element required: Knowing why we are doing what we plan to do.

Without understanding why – we will lack the motivation needed to sustain us through to success.  If we can’t keep going – we’ll soon stop going. Knowing why we are doing something is the glue that holds everything together.

How does motivation work? While there are many illustrations, it comes down to these 5 essential principals:

  1. Sometimes the work is hard. It’s really that simple. Sometimes the work is hard. And we need to be certain we can stick with it. Jim Rohn taught that when the promise is clear, the price is easy. When the price begins to get hard, the promise is what pulls us through.
  2. Sometimes the work takes time. The emotion of the moment when we committed to something can and will fade over time if we don’t bring it back, even if not at the same sensory level. I was recently reminded that there is very little that is action dependent that does not require some constancy, even daily re-commitment to that action. Whether it’s our health, money, work or relationships. Our motivation (why) is what creates the power we need to keep making the commitment over time.
  3. Sometimes the work needs to change. This is an important one to think about. Sometimes the method we choose to do something doesn’t bring us the result we wanted. That’s not failure. That’s experience. Without knowing why we were doing it in the first place, we don’t have the ultimate creative pool to work from for finding our next strategy and getting it in place. The why keeps us focused in the RIGHT direction, even if we change the vehicle we’re riding to reach the destination.
  4. Sometimes the work requires help. When we are clear about why we are doing something our enthusiasm and passion are evident and infectious. Others will not only respond to requests for help – they will volunteer! There is nothing more binding and bonding than a shared desire to transform something for good. Even if they don’t know, like and trust you yet, if your why is clear and they can align to that, it can actually be the catalyst for the best relationships.
  5. Sometimes the work requires a choice. This point goes beyond the first one where we talked about work being hard at times. This is about sacrifice. This is about choice. If you do THIS (something that honors your why) then you cannot do THAT (something you really want to do!). The promise being clear is still part of the rationale on this but it goes deeper because you are making a conscious choice to not only have something, but also to give something up. If the value equation isn’t clear, those choices can get very difficult.

Having the right motivation makes a difference getting started and staying started, because we can and will have more than one start along the way.

Choose one area of your life (health, finances, work, relationships, community) where you struggle staying on track with your goal and action settings. Go through a series of questions focused on the word why to get to your core reason for what you are doing. That is the promise. Don’t take your first response. Why? Because chances are fairly high that it is not your real reason. Don’t be surprised if it takes you a number of times to get to your true motivator. In the words of Pat Riley, “A champion needs a motivation above and beyond winning.” You’ll know you are there when you can take that reason and ask yourself these questions:

  1. Is this reason strong enough to keep me going when it’s hard?
  2. Is this reason strong enough to keep me going when this takes a long time?
  3. Is this reason strong enough to challenge me to always find a way?
  4. Is this reason strong enough to allow others to see the value in the work?
  5. Is this reason strong enough to support the right choices along the way, even when it means a sacrifice?

When you get to five yeses – you are there! More importantly, you know you’re going to be able to begin and experience the journey to go to your desired place of achievement with joy and ease.

Live well. Live today like you want tomorrow to be.

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , ,

Cleaning up our view: 4 Ways to Repair Your Lens

July 17, 2014 By

hand with window cleaning toolOften, when we’re looking for a breakthrough in our lives, we find that the magic moment isn’t generated based on getting something NEW.  Instead, the breakthrough happens more often based on getting to a place where we are willing to get go of something OLD.   That could be a belief about ourselves or others; negative emotions like guilt, blame, resentment or anger; or any other practice or influence within our daily life that is preventing us from moving forward.

Being stubborn about holding on to something that isn’t serving us may not be something we readily recognize in ourselves.  All too often we feel justified in our beliefs and feelings without even recognizing their cost.  If you think in terms of our personal perspectives as the window through which we see everything in our world it can get easier to see how hanging on is distorting our view.

Imagine that window to the world.  Now imagine that every feeling of anger, guilt, hurt, or resentment is like being in a car that is driving through mud puddles.  At first – you can barely see but eventually the water evaporates and you’re just left with the debris.  Some of it will blow away but what remains creates blind spots all over the windshield.  You no longer have a clear, unrestricted view of everything that is available to you.

We struggle letting go most often when it means we’re going to need to forgive or accept something about ourselves or others.  If you are facing this, here are some points for you to remember that may help make letting go an easier exercise:

  1. We often believe that we are punishing someone else with our hurt.  But the reality is that whatever we are holding onto – it’s most likely hurting us far more than the other person.  We’re allowing the cost to compound.  Stop investing where the interest is negative!
  2. It’s important to understand that acceptance or forgiveness does NOT mean condoning the act.  It just means we release ourselves from its continued burden of carrying it with us.  Reclaiming lost energy going to negative emotion is one of the best gifts we can give ourselves.
  3.  You don’t need to know how you’re going to let go.  This is really simple.  You just have to be willing to let go and make that decision.  You’re not going to change the past.  Even as we learn from it – it doesn’t change it.  So let it go.  That’s all you need to do.
  4. Whatever seems the most difficult for you to forget is probably what is hurting you the most.  Does this sound familiar?  I can forgive a lot of things, but I cannot forgive: ____!  Why not?  When we make it the most important part of our view, we allow everything in our world to be distorted by something that is going to continue to hurt us and ultimately those we serve.

A good exercise to go through is to ask what we need to release in terms of belief and emotion about ourselves (self-forgiveness is first!) and then others.  Then when we have our list, we can ask how we are benefiting ourselves by holding on to that belief or emotion.

The #1 answer to the question in group sessions has been that by hanging on (not forgetting!) we are somehow controlling it from happening again.  We need to ask ourselves if that is really true; because it’s not.  We need to shift our perspective and ask how we can learn from the experience and grow from it vs. letting it limit our future. So clear your view! And clear your way to a brighter future and richer life.

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Resilience, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , ,

3 Steps to a Healthy Mindset

July 9, 2014 By

Mindset sphereOver the course of my life I have invested thousands of hours researching how people are able to effectively grow and change.  After all, we know that success leaves clues and being able to grow is the most elemental change we can experience in our lives.

My study of success included hundreds of interviews, listening to recordings from thought leaders and reading scores of books written by experts on change and personal development.  It has also included observation within my own life and working with clients as a life coach.

My conclusion? Everything begins and ends with our mindset.

Earl Nightingale stated it this way:  “We become what we think about”.  Jim Rohn taught that before you can accomplish anything you must first believe it is possible and then believe it is possible for you.

One of William James’ most quoted lines is this: “The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.” And from the Bible in Mark 9:23: “If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.”

It’s clear that unless we believe, we are not going to achieve.

Given the importance of mindset, how do we proactively create one that is healthy and in tune with our vision and mission? I believe that there are three essential steps that make this possible.

Step 1:  Make peace with the past.   Here is where we usually trip up first.  We limit our future based on our past.  Our past is meant to prepare us for the future, not predict it.  In fact, some of the greatest achievers now and from history are those that have used challenges in their past to propel them to a better life.  We must make peace with our past.  The steps for that can vary but in essence, it involves achieving a state of grace through forgiveness of ourselves and others so that we can live from a place of gratitude.

Step 2:  Be honest about the present and take responsibility for it.  Personal responsibility is a significant factor for personal growth.  As long as we play the blame game, we are in fact imprisoning ourselves as a victim.  We live “at the mercy” of circumstances or other people.  Once we are honest about where we are and take responsibility for our life and everything in it, we are in actuality empowering ourselves to change it.

Step 3:  Act based on faith in the future.  It is not enough to have hope.  Hope means we “might” succeed. It’s enough to start, but it won’t be enough to finish.  Faith means we believe that we will.  It means we won’t accept anything less.

Three steps to a healthy mindset.  Sounds simple and yet it isn’t always easy.  Because we’ve had years of practice thinking the way we think now.  We’ve had years to let limiting beliefs and judgments cloud our vision.  But it’s where we must start.  We must set a new mindset.  A new expectation that we allow to become a core belief. 

Think about this for yourself.  In what area of your life would you most like to experience growth in the next 90 days?  What growth would you like to see?

Do you believe it’s possible?

Do you believe it’s possible for you?

Then you’re ready!  The first hurdle is behind you.  If not, I’d like to help.  Because you matter to me.  And your life matters to others as well, now and for many generations to follow.

Think well to live well.

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

3 Responses to Greener Grass

July 1, 2014 By

Green grass and earth BackgroundAn essential component of an effective personal development plan and strategy is surveying the “landscape” looking for growth opportunities.  We scan to find value we can integrate into our own lives and model for others.

But the truth is that most of us are doing this even apart from any strategy for personal growth.  It can be difficult to avoid what is around us when information is pushed at us from every direction using every available media and means.

So what happens when we measure ourselves based on what we see in others? It depends. This kind of comparative approach can serve us by pushing us to stretch ourselves, or limit us if we fail to recognize the good in what we already have or believe something is beyond our reach.

Like anything though, we need more than platitudes to create change.  We need to have a personal strategy that allows us to process information in a way that generates positive change for ourselves and, as a result, for others.

Here are three responses to consider when you stumble upon that “greener grass”:

  1. Remember that not everything is about you or for you.  Sometimes it is best to be the audience and congratulate the other gardener!
  2. Whenever you feel a response that has an edge of personal dissatisfaction in it, pause and name 10 blessings in your life.  Focus on your good.  Keep perspective.
  3. Remind yourself that there is NOTHING you cannot have if you are willing to pay the price.  The price is rarely $$’s.  It’s almost always about our daily life and the disciplines we honor.

Is the newest object of your desire worth the price?  If so – claim it.  If not, see option 1.

Final thought:  Remember that every time you see something that seems to be “greener” that there are others looking at you and seeing “greener”, too!

 

Filed Under: Learning & Growth, Possibilities & Perspective, Winds of Change Tagged With: , , , , ,
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